New Job

Due to the global economic crisis, (I dare not use the "d" word, for that will just make it all worse, or so I hear) the need for four-star cuisine and top-notch service, given for barely affordable prices, has drastically ebbed. As a result, so have my hours. I therefore have been forced to find a second job. Not more than five minutes after such a thought came to my head, I magically saw an ad for an open position at a local pub.

I gave the woman a call, dropped off my resume, and had a brutally honest conversation about the nature of my availability during my holiday in Australia. I may be 10,000 miles from home, but I'm not about to tarnish my name anywhere in the world by getting a job through lies. The explanation that I will be taking a couple weeks off every month or so resulted in the expected reaction, disappointment. I offered to work as an emergency fill-in staff if needed and left expecting to get just that. Well, a lack of quality applicants has worked in my favor and I now have a second job.

I went back to my root and am cooking diner food for a nearby pub. Today is my first official shift, although I've already had two try-outs, one good, one bad for the job. Thankfully, the bad one was expected and did not deter them too much from hiring me. Wish me luck, because I'm on my own; my non-training is complete.

Light Switches

A seemingly insignificant detail that I've neglected to mention here in the blog has finally reached my consciousness. All the light switches here are reversed. In the US, to turn the switch on, you flip it up, and conversely, one flips it down to turn off. Australia is the exact opposite. I typically never give any thought at all to which way the switches switch, but I find myself staring at them now, having to think about whether I will be turning a light on or off. (Note: for the simple, single isolated switches, if the light is off, I know that any change in the switch p0sition will result in illumination. It is the groups of switches that give me trouble.) People here must find me daft the way I hit each one until the desired effect happens. Such simple things should not confuse an adult.

Thanksgiving Australian Style

Today is the first big test for my homesickness. It is not to say that I don't miss my friends or family everyday, but missing the large, annual family reunion is definitely a test. I foresaw the potential emotionality of this day, so I decided to be proactive and plan a Thanksgiving for myself. Just because Australia doesn't celebrate it does not mean I can't.

So, I invited Jess' family over for an authentic Thanksgiving dinner. In all, we had eleven people, Jess, her parents, grandparents, brother, her brother's lady friend Emily, her sister Tay, her best friends Pennie and Mitch, and I. Things went well, but not without a couple of obstacles.

First off, I got sick on prep cooking day. That is never fun. Second, I've never been able to make a pie crust. I've tried many times, but it always ends up too dry or moist or tastes bad or doesn't stretch or..... Well, I decided to give it one more go. Crisco does not exist here. Or I should say, as a brand of oil it exists, but as a vegetable shortening, it does not. The "closest" thing they have is Cophra, which is not a substitution as I and many Aussies/Americans have learned when crossing the pacific. It is coconut oil shortening and it just doesn't break up right. So, after a couple hours of working with bad pie crust dough, I just bought frozen pie crust. I wanted to make green bean casserole with the famous Frenches French Fried Onions©. They don't exist here, so I had to make those from scratch. I had to use an internet recipe for the pumpkin pies; the family recipe came a mere hour too late. At the end of the day, I did end up with two pumpkin pies, lots of dried bread, a bowl of shelled green beans, and french friend onions. It wasn't a wasted day, but it sure felt like it.

Today went much better. Even though I ended up a making a few trips to the grocery store for forgotten ingredients, it all went well. The turkey cooked a little too quickly in the convection oven, but it didn't get too dry.

Our menu for the night was:

Turkey

Aaron White's Famous no-oyster Dressing (recipe stolen from other, more-famous family members)

Sweet potato casserole with a crunchy walnut topping

Garlic Mashed potatoes and gravy

Green Bean Casserole with Aaron's French Fried Onion© topping
Buttermilk Biscuits (American Style of course)

Cranberry Sauce (from a can sadly)

And of course pumpkin pie

All the food turned out very well. Everyone seemed to be pleased. The whipped cream for the pie was oddly sour and I added too much nutmeg to the pie. Besides that, it was all very tasty! The two straight days in the kitchen helped take my mind off of what I was missing. It was wonderful to have a Thanksgiving in a foreign country with my Aussie family, though it will still be hard tomorrow not seeing everyone. Hello to all!

To the Missouri crew: I will be calling the house phone in the late afternoon around four or five. This is right when I wake up, so I may be a bit groggy. I hope I can catch a decent chunk of you this late. If not, I love you all and I wish I was there.

Aussie Slang: _______ As...

There is a certain Aussie slang phenomenon that bothers me a little bit. Not a lot, but just enough to make secretly mock people in my head. Well, it has boiled over and now the mockery must be unleashed.

If Aussies, especially young ones, want to give a little bit of extra emphasis on an adjective, they will say _____ As... And stop. It is as if they mean to say a clever simile, but just can't think of a way to finish it. At least, that is how I think it started. Aussies like to communicate very quickly, with their fast vowels, speed, chopping off ending of words, but this is too much! This laziness in simile has devolved so far that people say this without even an implied finish to the sentence. It just hangs there, begging to be completed.

That's great as.

AHHHH!!!!

Sometimes, the as is given extra emphasis, taking the weight off the adjective itself. It then sounds like as is the primary descriptive word of the sentence. People say these things and I just want to add something to it. Or just follow such a statement with an "as?" Then give them a look like what was said was incomprehensible and incomplete. Not to mention that people here call me "Az", so I'm not sure if they are saying something to me explicitly or taking this seeming brevity too far. So, just to get this all out of my system, so I don't explode.

That's sweet As! ...cramming 17 sugar packets into your mouth and trying to whistle!

Sick as...drinking cod liver oil and riding the tilt-o-whirl!

Cool as...Kanye West!

These aren't good similes, but at least I finished a thought.

Big Ted

About 20km from Cockburn, South Australia, along the side of the barrier highway in middle of the outback, sits a giant teddy bear in a recliner. He has his own television, remote, end table, assortments of beer and cigarettes, a tent, christmas tree, and much much more. His name is Big Ted and he is proving to be an inspiration for those who otherwise would never embark into the art of sculpture.

He apparently made his first appearance around Mother's Day. Nobody knows who set him on the side of the road or why, but now he is a legend. People drive miles to offer sacrifices to the shrine of the Big Ted. Call it voodoo, Buddhism, or just fun if you must. His collection had grown significantly in the week while we were in Melbourne.

I would like everyone reading this blog to become a part of the phenomenon. Ted already has a postcard from Hawaii; I think he needs more, to show that the Big Ted has an international appeal. If you read this blog, go to some sort of store, buy a local postcard and send Ted some love. The postage should not be too much more than a $1.50 or so. Say hello, tell Ted what you think of him. Let's have a little fun with this. Send your postcard to:

Big Ted

On the Side of the Barrier Highway

Cockburn, SA

Australia 5607

Last Day in Melbourne

My last day in Melbourne was a bit subdued. We woke up, greeted by 45 degree temps with a strong wind and rain. We were both quite tired from our day walking around Melbourne and seeing Wicked the day before. Also, on Tuesday, we spent the afternoon at an indoor climbing gym downtown (which was awesome!). Jess decided to stay in, not wanting to brave the weather. I was not about to let my last day in Melbourne go unused, rain or not!

I headed out around noon and took the tram to St. Kilda, the touristy beach area of Melbourne. Before heading out, I looked up the address of an Indian place in the area that was supposed to be good. St. Kilda greeted me with a downpour of rain. I walked, wet, alone, lost around the area, searching for my restaurant, occasionally stopping into a random book store to warm up. There comes a time when a man just needs a cup of coffee, so I stopped into McDonald's, bought a cup, then analyzed my map to try to find my way to food. Turns out I was only a block away, that was the good news.

The restaurant was a bust though. It was being ran by a group of Chinese ladies and that made me feel a little skeptical about the food. Not to say that a person from China could be any less or more competent at a curry as a native Indian, but it typically makes me feel a bit odd to see incongruous ethnicities running an ethnic food joint. It was that, and the half Thai, half Indian menu. I instead had a Malaysian curry at another place across the street.

My little excursion to the beach was not turning out how I wanted, so I started back for the city. On my way, I saw a sign for Rare Records. The name and the rain compelled me to enter. I walked in, hoping to find a few CD's from a Klezmer/Jazz hybrid series by John Zorn. Going through the staff picks, I saw a whole bunch of his albums, but not the ones for which I was searching. Finding this artist in the states can be a hassle, so I knew the shop keeper must have had great tastes. I asked if he had the other CD's I wanted, but he didn't. We then started talking about all sorts of bands that I would never guess would reach Australia; they aren't even popular in the states. He put in a bunch of different albums that I had to hear. Turns out the guy and I have nearly identical tastes. Looking at the wall, I noticed photos of him with various bands I likes. "Is that you with the Mars Volta?"

"Yeah, this is Omar's favorite record store in the whole world, he stops in here every time he comes to Australia."

"Is that Johnny Knoxville and John Frusciante?"

"No, that's me and Johnny Knoxville." He looked a lot like John Frusciante (guitarist of the Red Hot Chili Peppers).

After an hour or so of listening to music, I finally had to pull myself away to see the rest of the city. It was hard to leave. In the end I purchased a couple of albums by local bands that I was assured were awesome.

Leaving the store, I looked to sky to see the rain had stopped, though it was still cold and windy. I took a tram north to downtown and walked around a bit more, then headed back.

That night we went out with Jess's cousins Joel and Sabeena for Italian food at the famous Lygon street, home of much of Australia's seedy underworld and fine cuisine.

We went to bed only to wake up again at 3:30 to catch a cab and then a bus to the airport so we could catch our 6AM flight.

Overall, I enjoyed Melbourne a lot. It was a beautiful city, large, but very manageable. Sadly, finding that the highlight of my vacation was a record shop really shows how much of a nerd I am.

Wicked

Jess and I saw Melbourne's production of Wicked last night. For the few unfamiliar with this musical phenomenon (Were talking hype levels to Cats and Rent standards), it is the untold story of the Wizard of Oz.

It was playing at the Regent Theater, which was a pretty average venue for the most part, not old enough or contemporary enough to be of any note. At concessions, they were serving "Ozmopolitans", which were green slushy vodka drinks in a glowing green glass. It was the hip drink to have that night. It is not too often that women, hipsters, and old men all choose to drink a green mixed drink from a martini glass. $10 seemed a little rich for my tastes, but you did get to keep the glowing martini glass.

The show was very entertaining. Of everything, it was probably the story that was the standout. It was neccessarily great, but I always find it fun when stories insert themselves into other famous works, much like Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are Dead. The lead actress playing the wicked witch did a great job. None of the acting was bad, but she was the main standout. Actually, a guy playing a goat did a very good job as well. None of the songs really stood out for me. Musicals usually have really catchy songs and none of them were bad, there was no great standout song like "My Favorite Things" from Sound of Music, "Do Re Me" from the Sound of Music, or even "I am 16 going on 17" from the Sound of Music. The singing though was topnotch. The set was fantastic and spectacular, obviously expensive. The main object was a giant moving dragon above the stage.

For those who love musicals, I'd recommend checking out Wicked if it comes to a theater near you. For those who don't love musicals (like me), it was entertaining enough to enjoy with friends and loved ones.

Melbourne Zoo

Today, Jess and I visited the Melbourne Zoo. Not too much to say about it really. It was a great zoo. There were quite a few really neat exhibits. Besides the typical zoo fare such as Giraffes, Zebras, Lions, Ostriches, and Elephants, there were some not some common additions to their managarie. For one, they had a platypus. This is a creature I've never seen in real life, so that was quite cool. They had an Aussie exhibit that I found neat. It was a walk out in the open with no cages, so I got to stand right next to some roos and koalas. In fact, the koala was so close, it didn't register as even being exotic. There were wombats, which I must say are a lot bigger than I expected (they were medium dog sized) and an echidna (I got a photo manda, don't worry).

Sadly, Aussies don't find too many North American animals to be exotic. I couldn't wait to see a white tailed dear or a squirell in its natural habitat. Nope. The best they had was a diamondback and a cougar.

Fun day. Lots of walking. Lots of learning. I love the zoo.

Victoria Markets

I just returned from my first excursion in Melbourne. We headed to the very famous, very touristy Victoria Markets. There was definitely no shortage of things to see and buy there. I left with nothing of course. There was a farmer's market, meat market, flea market, and various food stands that held my attention.

I was a little disappointed by the farmer's market. It wasn't bad by any means; there was quite a selection of very nice looking agricultural products. The big problem is I built myself up too much to see exotic things, those fruits and vegetables I've never imagined could exist and I wouldn't be able to find in the US. Unfortunately (of fortunately really), I've been living in the city too long to have not come across most of what there is to offer at these things. Everything there I could buy at the markets in Minneapolis. Though, they did have passion fruits, which are hard to find in the Midwest and are very expensive. I did not buy any though, silly me.

The meat market left with the same feel of unfullfillment. I wanted to buy kangaroo steaks, koala nuggets, or maybe some good snake, much like the one Croc. Dundee cooked for his lovely American princess. Alas, pork, beef, chicken, lamb was all I could find. I almost bought some choizo; no stores here have chorizo.

I was hoping to find some nice gifts for people at the flea market. There were a few interesting things and many of it was quite cheap. I just can't bring myself to buy the carbon copy souvenirs they sell at places like those. If I am going to buy something for someone, I want it to be a bit more unique. In the end, I typically settle for such things, but I always feel defeated once that happens.

Overall, I did find it be a pretty cool place. There were so many different things to buy in such small area. We ate some "American Style Jelly Doughnuts". They must have done a good job with the authenticity, because they tasted like normal, delicious doughnuts to me. In the square, a mariachi band was playing; this ranked highly on my list of things I'd least expect at an Australian flea market. Then again, maybe the whole mariachi/flea market combo is an international marriage. They were quite good. Instead of trumpets, they had Indian flutes, which I found to be a pleasant touch. They had more of a Spanish flamenco sound, but they were playing all the classic mariachi songs (Jess was quite horrified that I could even identify mariachi songs. I'm John's son, what can I say.). Overall, it has been a fun day. In a little bit, we shall go to eat at a Korean BBQ. Ah, how I've missed the multiculturalism of the city.

Safe in Melbourne

Jess and I have safely arrived in Melbourne. Our trip started with a early morning drive to Adelaide (5 hours away). We hung out and went to beach for a little. The weather has been quite hot and even though we did not swim, very few things beat a barefooted walk along the shore...Aw!

After a dinner with her uncle Steven and aunt Valmie. We hit the sack and 9:30. The cab was set to arrive at 4:30. Jess shares my love for the thriftiness, therefore she booked us the early morning flight. The touched down at 8:00 and we got our first glimpse of Melbourne. Unfortunately, it was a rainy glimpse. The dreary overcast mixed with the early rise drove us to bed at noon once we arrived at her cousin's place.

We woke up after they got home from work and we went out for a nice dinner. Today we plan to hit up the farmer's market. This is eliciting much excitement for me. I wonder what strange fruits and vegetables I will find? You and I will have to wait to find out!

Aussie Slang: A Do

Today I got to hear a brand new silly Aussie slang word. Unlike many Australian slang words, here is one that doesn't make any sense at all. No etymology is evident for this at all.

What would you think "a do" could be? My best guess would be it is a euphamism for sex. Alas, it is nothing so obvious. A do is a party.

This said, lets us all look upon our silly words for party:

Par-tay!
Shindig
Hoedown
Hootenany
Bender
Blender
Mixer

Well that is about all I could come with after thirty seconds of brainstorming. My brain is still mushy from a do I attended last night. Quick tip, don't try to keep up with Aussies, hangovers ensue.

Aussie Music: Yothu Yindi

Weeks ago, Jess, Pennie, her beau Mitch, and I were all watching the Aussie equivalent of MTV. Suddenly a music video popped on that instantly grabbed my attention. Of course I was the only one who had never seen it: apparently it was quite the Aussie phenomenon in the early 90's. It was a video for the remixed "Treaty" a highly political song by the Aboriginal band, Yothu Yindi. I felt this may be the greatest thing I had ever seen.

I won't lie, a large part of that was pure amusement. The antics of those crazy Native Australians is something completely novel for me, outside of didgeridoos, boomerangs, and those spinny string things that make that weird whooping noise. It is quite funny (in the good way!).

The band got its start from Midnight Oil, another band that I will have to write about later due the extremely contrasting levels of popularity between the two countries. Always very political, they were taken under the wings of Midnight Oil to help bring awareness to the plight of the Aboriginals.

The song is a mix of the late 80's rock of Midnight Oil and traditional aboriginal music, it was then remixed to fit with the contemporary dance music of 1992. (Imagine, Marky Mark and the not-so Funky face painted bunch....Again, the good funny.) Really, just watch the video, I can't describe the Awesome that is this song.

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=BPYHVFvMiNY&feature=related

Aussie Foods: Meat Pies

For a whole year, I heard Jess complain of unfulfilled cravings for meat pies. Upon arrival to Australia, a woman's first words to her family were, "We need to get a meat pie right now!" This instilled a like need for me to try a so called meat pie. I pondered to myself. Is it like a mince meat pie? Is it like a pastie or a samosa? It took two weeks for me to finally try these "meat pies" and it is very simply a meat pie.

Just take a small pie crust, fill it with seasoned ground beef and you get a meat pie. Nothing too fancy, but boy are they delicious. A perfect cheap lunch, a meat pie is filling and costs a mere two or three dollars. I find it surprising that meat pies are not in the States. They definitely have an international appeal.

Someday, I shall have to start an import/export company that trades popular, marketable Australian foods for likewise popular, marketable American foods. Vegemite will not be one of these.

Obama: The Death of Racism?

This is a great day for the States. Let's hear it for the voters of the United States and how they did two great things; one, they found a way to not let George Bush into office this year; and two, they managed to not just allow, but choose to have a half-black man in office. Sadly, this is not time for major celebration. I do not mean to say that this is a bad event or it means nothing, but much like the appointment of Sandra Day O'Connor to the Supreme Court, this does not show true progress. We all care too much about it right now. At the moment, by pointing out that Obama is black, not Obama (D, Illinois) or even Barak Obama, great American, it shows that we are still too hung up on race. It won't be until the black Ruth Bader Ginsberg (if you don't know who this is, then it proves my point) becomes president that the true progress shows. Now that this has happened, let's never ever ever ever mention Obama's race in any serious way. Until we do that, we are still racist.

Just a quick addition to this post, new ways of phrasing the media coverage that are explicitly racist:

"Obama was elected president of the United States, this is a great achievement, for a black man."

"After over 200 years of slavery, followed by over 100 years of oppression, African Americans finally have found someone good enough to be our president."

"Through thick and thin, this shows true progress for Americans, they have finally decided elect into the presidency a black man."

I voted for Obama because I thought he was the better candidate. His race played no part (at least consciously) in my voting for him. One thing I can say that makes me happy is how few people I know did vote for him based on race. (I bet there were a good chunk that didn't vote for him based on race though.) To be elected president as a non-white candidate, this shows true greatness of character. It is just a fact that white people don't have to work as hard. To sum up, I think people need to focus on these great qualities, not on his race.

(Sorry for the rambling blog, I just want to make sure I'm getting my point across without downplaying how amazing this event truly is.)

Melbourne Cup

Today is one of the most important days for this entire country. And no, I'm not talking about the US presidential race; I am talking about the Melbourne Cup.

The Melbourne Cup may just be the craziest holiday ever. Every year on the second Tuesday of November, the entire nation of Australia stops, completely shuts down for an afternoon. What could be so important to allow everybody to play hooky? A horse race, of course.

It all started in 1861 with simply a horse race. Then in 1877 after the growing popularity, it was made a public holiday in the state of Victoria...why? Because everyone wanted to watch the horse race. Now over 100 years later, people are still watching this horse race. This is definitely a cultural phenomenon that fascinates. I asked around, "Why is this horse race such a big deal?"

The best answer I've received is "I reckon, cause it's the Melbourne cup."

So, it will remain a mystery. Despite the unknown origins of this national fascination with a single horse race (nobody talks about horses at all the rest of the year), it remains a large part of Australia's national identity. Those who never gamble typically put a decent chunk of money down. I picked two horses at random to win; both lost. (Profound Beauty and Honolulu, why did you let me down?).

The greatest part of this whole holiday is how something so trivial (never utter a word to the Aussies that used the "t" word to describe the Melbourne Cup, never) can bring everyone together for three minutes, despite their picks, to stare at the TV, bet tickets squeezed in hand; an entire nation, whose collective heart stops as the equine mass crosses the white line. Here, races encourage fraternity, not polarity. Beautiful.

Aussie Slang: "I reckon"

Every language and culture has its own filler words or jump in words. This statement is, of course, based only on English speaking places. If a person wants to speak, but needs second to catch up with his or her thoughts, he or she may toss in little words or short phrases. Such classic American filler words/phrases are "like", "you see", "you know", "um", "uh", "ur", the list goes on. My most used is "like I said", even if it is the first time I've ever said it.

Australians love "I reckon". No matter the context, "I reckon" is thrown on the start of 73% of all sentences (based on a random sample of four people).

For the most part, this does not bother me. If stating an opinion, I reckon is a great introduction. "I reckon that hat is quite stupid." Great. Perfect usage of reckon. Sometimes, it is tossed in to ask a question, yet still maintain some sort of dignity. "I reckon Churchill said that originally?" (Actually, it was JFK, but really who's really keeping track.) It can be used to negate a statement, but implies you are not taking a definite stance: "Well I reckon it was JFK who said that." It can be used to give up on an argument, but leave the door open for future 'I told you so's' : "I reckon you could be right."

It can also be tossed onto the end when you've said something wrong and need some damage control, "Mussolini did make the planes land on time...I reckon." These are all ok. Opinions. Unsure statements. I just can't handle when people buffer blatantly obvious statements with it. "I reckon that car is on fire." You don't reckon it, it is actually on fire!!!

Like I said, it is a perfectly functional filler word, but only when used in the right situation, you know?

Bodies in the Barrels: More Serial Killers of Australia

I just finished the second book of my extensive research into the famous serial killers of Australia. Don't worry, there are not too many more out there.

In the mid-90's a psychopath named John Bunting convinced two of his friends and eventually his heroin addicted step-son to join him on a twelve body killing spree. Nearly all of the killers were victims of childhood sexual abuse, so they had a particular hatred against pedophiles. Unfortunately, they were so crazy that nearly everyone was given such a label, including drug addicts, homosexual, fat wives, and anybody else they didn't like. John Bunting had a giant hit list that he'd compiled for years and they just went out and whittled the list down.

These weren't random people either. They killed stepsons, friends of the family, wives, lovers, and neighbors. This is particularly scary, because such relationships should give protection from murder.

At first, they buried the bodies in the back yard and poured concrete over them. Sadly, this wasn't disgusting enough for them. So they started torturing their victims to death, then mutilated the corpses, and in some cases ate them. The left-overs were tossed in giant metal barrels for maximum putrefaction. John Bunting had no sense of smell, so he wasn't really bothered by the rotting corpses piling up. They transferred the barrels to an empty bank vault in Snowtown, South Australia. (Spawning such favorite jokes as "Q: Why is it so hard to get a loan in Snowtown? A:It costs an arm and a leg!" Knee slaps, fake chortles, walking away ensues).

These were low-income people mostly, living on welfare. So after the murders, they would stage fake falling outs and abrupt moves for the victims, then cash the government checks (or cheques as they spell it here). This led the police to them. Sadly, due to some muck ups, they were still able to knock a couple more people off while under surveillance.

Finally, the police followed a car to Snowtown where the found the bodies. Now they are all in jail forever.

For those who would like to learn more about the Bodies in the Barrels murders, check out the book, Killing for Pleasure. It is a very difficult book to read, not for the squemish, but I was hooked for most of it. http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Pleasure-Debi-Marshall/dp/1740512480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1225582787&sr=8-1