Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Nujiang Valley





I couldn't take it any longer. Quiet, rustic, secluded Yunnan, home of the exiled, end of the line, land of the uncontrollable tribes and untameable mountain was too noisy, too touristy, and too commodified. I planned to venture further to Shangrila and Dequin, on the Tibetan border, but two travelers had warned me that these places were just as bad as Lijang and Dali. The locals had been driven out completely by developers. No culture left but that of the Yuan. It didn't sound like the place for me. It seemed there was only one unspoiled place left, where the locals still live, where the tribal life flourishes, where people still travel across the river by zip-line. The Nujiang is a valley so revered, so untouched, the people of China actually stood up to the government to prevent them from damming it. It is the only untouched river in China. Over half of the nation's endangered species live in its valley. It was the Yunnan I'd been looking for.

Getting there though was a bit of a trek. Though Dequin is only a few miles from Bingzhongluo at the top of the valley, one has to cross 6000m high mountains to get there. A road is planned for the future and given China's track record for destruction of nature and blind progress, despite any obstacle, it is probably not far in the future. For now though, I had to bus back to plains in Dali, then cross a series of valleys until I reached Liuku. From there, I caught an eight hour bus up the valley, on a cliff side road through the steep canyon cut by the Nujiang.

What I found was not what I expected, of course. The road was well maintained, paved the whole way, only a couple stretches were too narrow for the passage of two buses. Despite the modest population of this dead end road, traffic was continuous. The tribal villages looked like any small Chinese town: dusty, flat and architecturally characterless. I saw the famous zip-lines, but the villagers were more keen on using real bridges built by the government.

The valley itself though was beautiful, but not as dramatic as expected. The jungle was thick on both sides, but despite the deepness, it was not nearly as craggy as the Yangzi. I did love the green quilt pulled over the hills, sometimes towering to thousands of feet. I felt small in this forested wonderland. There was one mountain with a big hole through it peak that I thought was really cool.

When I reached Bingzhongluo, the end of the line, last city before the wild mountain frontier of Tibet, I could not help but be let down. Bingzhongluo was a dusty wasteland, with a sizable population of Han Chinese. All of the tribes wore their traditional LA Laker's jerseys. I was also the only tourist in town, which was simultaneously relieving and unnerving. When walking the streets, I was the White guy in town. Everyone knew who I was; it was that type of town. Thankfully, I wasn't hassled by anyone.

After a boring night alone, sipping beer and writing, I awoke with a mission. Since this wasn't the end of the line, I'd find it. So I strapped on my shoes, threw some water and snacks in my bag and headed for Tibet by foot.

The valley changed immensely once on foot. The unimpressive valley that just flew by seemed deeper; embarking alone made the jungle more formidable and the villages more charming. The people were smiling, interrupting their farming or bong smoking to wave and chuckle at the unlikely sight of a white guy walking alone through the valley. There were constant signs showing a police officer beating any who decided to cut down powerlines. Maybe this was the end of the line after all, just the end of the line China differs from Laos or other less developed countries. After about 10km, I passed a tiny village with a police checkpoint. Here was the border of Tibet. They waved me through with a smile after a terrible conversation between my broken Chinese and their broken English: the road just stopped a few miles ahead anyway and I doubt they expected me to trek up the mountains into Tibet proper without supplies. I could have gone further, but I'd reached my goal; I walked to Tibet and I was damn tired and had to walk all the way back again to Bingzhongluo.



The next day, I relocated down river. My goal was to see a zipline in action, then use one myself. A village with a wire bridge was rumored about 20km south of Gongshan. I walked a while, then hitchhiked 10km with a bus full of friendly Chinese tourists from Kunming. They dropped me off in the village which seemed to confuse the locals, and I headed south in search of the Lisu, the rope bridge. Finally, I found one. Two cords stretched across the river, quite high up, one sat a few meters above the other. They were just wires across a river. I thought there'd be a rope or a harness or something, but it was just a cord. A local villager whistled by in his Kobe Bryant t-shirt; I asked him if this was a rope bridge, he confirmed. I tried to get him to demonstrate, but he just encouraged me instead with a laugh. I crawled down to the wire and considered how it would work. I looked down at the raging river, a hundred feet below; I could see why it had the name Nujiang, "angry river". I decided to leave the local tradition in the past, instead starting up an unlikely broken conversation with now traditionally yellow and purple clad youth, until he left me at a real bridge. This is as close as it gets to authentic anyway. Much of China's past is but an idea. On my way back down the valley, I saw the villages for what they were, still lovely examples of the rare rural China with their markets and dust. I saw a woman hook up an elaborate pulley apparatus to one of the Lisu, but we sped by too quickly on bus to watch it work. I was the only who bothered to even look.



Tiger Leaping Gorge



Tiger Leaping Gorge is the famous hike of China, and rightfully so. It follow the Yangse for 15 miles, high on the cliffs of Haba Shan, in the shadow of Yuelong Xueshan, a craggy mass. I expected the hike to be packed, but it wasn't at all. Which is strange, since everywhere in the province was bursting with people and the gorge was the best thing I saw in all of Yunnan.

We started with a quick breakfast at a guesthouse in Quiotou and headed on our way. The walls of the restaurant were scattered with both stories of the hike's greatness and stories of being hopelessly lost on the trail. The latter stories seemed odd, given the trail's popularity, traffic, and clearly marked signs. Some just aren't meant to hike.

It was a bit strenuous; my Nepal days were definitely long behind me, but it really wasn't too bad. The main test was the 28 bends, a series of switchbacks a bit before the halfway point. After this, the trail was mostly downhill. I spend the night at the Midway Guesthouse, home of one of the world's most scenic toilets. Starring right at the cliffs of Yulong Xueshan across the river, the urinal gave the impression of pissing thousands of feet right into the Yangse below.


The second day was even more intense. I left the main trail and descended deep into the gorge, right to the riverbank. The rapids were beautiful and intense, crashing along the narrow walls of the cliffs, flowing down quickly, with the type of speed expected to carve such a narrow canyon. Many tourists were scrambling down to see the Tiger Leaping Stone. From this point, according to a legend, a tiger, escaping a hunter leaped across the gorge to safety, hence the name. I was happy for the high given by such magnificent scenery, because the trail went straight up the cliff, in a dizzying gut-buster, featuring a 100ft ladder up an open cliff face.

From the top, the trail continues further, but apparently the scenery is not so great (comparatively). Therefore, I caught a bus back to Lijang and brought my hike to a close.

Dali and Lijang



Kunming made me crave something more quaint, older and more authentic, and the old cities of Dali and Lijang seemed just the cure. Sadly, I was wrong.

Dali, a famous old city on the shore of Luhai Lake, sandwiched between two mountain ranges sounded fantastic. It was one of the first backpacker towns in China and I hoped to spend two days hiking in the mountains about town, enjoying the view of the lake below. What I found was more city. The people never stopped and the ancient city was just a small area within the mass. What set it apart from the rest were some gates (the wall was gone) and the masses of Chinese tourists buying stupid souvenirs. I chose a hostel out of town that sounded lovely and was, except I was the only one there. It rained every day I was there, so spent most of my time writing, only stopping into to town to have meals at a restaurant ran by a really cute owner.

Lijang proved just as touristy, maybe even more, but it at least maintained its charm. It was truly an old city, restored, but most of the well built buildings stood in their near original forms, minus the shops selling traditional Naxi costumes and the flute and drum shops, each featuring store keeper poorly playing the instruments along with the same song. It was so easy to get lost. I found a square, took a left, walked a bit, then came back to the same square. So, I went South, walked a bit and found myself again in the same square. I found it fun. Others did not. I distinctly heard one American woman yell into her phone in frustration, "We'be been walking this same street for hours and we keep coming back here!" There are worse places to get lost than amongst charming canals lined with Chinese lanterns and tree blossoms. I typically don't like such ridiculously touristy places, but Lijang was nice. Still, one day was plenty.

Kunming



I had unfounded expectations for Kunming. the book painted a picture of a lovely small Chinese city, modern yes, but small. A population listed as a mere 1.2 million, sitting on the North shore of one of China's most famous lakes, the West side a towering cliff of rocky hills. All I saw when I arrived was freeway interchanges, twisting around and around into infinity. Where was Kunming?

The Brazilian woman I met in the rice fields and I exited the bus to the normal barrage of touts and taxi drivers, pouncing on us ignorant travelers; for many, Kunming is the first stop in China after Vietnam and Laos.

"Hello, I can help you, I speak a little English." said a tiny, nerdy guy with thick rimmed glasses.

"That's ok, we're just gonna catch a city buy into to town." I said mechanically.

"Oh no, there are no city buses here; you're far from the city." said the skinning man, as a city bus drove off behind him.

"Then what is that?." I said, pointing to the bus.

"Oh, these buses only go the villages. You have to take a taxi." The next line was no surprise. "I can take you town for only 100 quai!"

"Hell no!" I said with a big smile. Any sign of anger and you lose the battle.

"Ok, ok, 70." I kept walking away from him. "60!" Still walking. "50!"

"I am taking a city bus!"

"These only go to villages."

I stopped walking and turned to him. "So, what you are telling me, is that the thousands of people who arrive here every day, at this busy bus hub for Kunming, are either villagers or they take taxis."

"Yes."

"Liar." I walked away.

"I no lie! I can take you, only 50 quai."

"If I take a taxi, it will be with a meter."

"No, nobody has meters in Kunming."

"No meters on the taxis?"

The man was standing next to a taxi; I could clearly see the meter through the window. I pointed, "That taxi has a meter."

"Ok, they have meters, but they will all rip you off."

At that moment, the Brazilian had returned from sensibly asking the police for directions to the city buses. "He said we catch them over there."

"Don't take the bus! They only go to villages!!" the little man's glasses almost fogged up as he yelled.

"Since we are not taking a taxi and if we do, we'd never take yours, since you've been lying to us and you won't leave us alone. So please sir, could you kindly go find another tourist to swindle." I explained.

"Ok, I understand. but I want to help you. I will come and help you find bus."

"Thank you sir, but we've both been to China before, we know how to get by fine ourselves."

"I wish you a safe journey, just take bus 30."

"Thanks."

We went to the bus hub and there we found a clear map of bus system for Kunming. It was only in Chinese.

"Can you read Chinese?" The man had followed us.

"Not really."

"Oh, then map is no help for you."

"I have a bilingual map here, I just have to compare it to the bus system on this map." After that, I did my best to ignore him. The buses listed in the Lonely Planet were of course wrong, but the map was clear enough.

"Bus 30! Bus 30!" the man yelled like a tiny Pomeranian looking for attention.

Bus 30, according to the map went though the country and villages, just as the man said, but the 95 went straight to town.

"Let's take the 95." I suggested to the Brazilian.

"Oh, 95 is good too!" The man exclaimed.

So we stood in line to catch our bus.

"The bus is 3 quai each, so six quai total." the man explained to us, despite our attempts to start a conversation not involving him. When the bus arrived, the fare was clearly printed as only 1 yuan.

"You pay six!" he yelled.

"It only costs one each; it's clearly printed."

"Ok, now I tell you, I am not just a taxi driver, I am also security for this bus station." He pulled out his wallet which had a plastic fake American police badge, everything in English, nary a Chinese symbol to be found. "You two are in big trouble, come with me."

We boarded the bus despite his threats and only paid one each even though the man was yelling to the driver to charge us triple price. Finally he gave up.

"Goodbye friends! I wish you the best of luck!"

What a fucking wanker.

We took the bus into the town center and caught a real taxi to our hostel from there. Once we passed the maze of overpasses and interchanges, the city was a massive expanse of skyscrapers and flashing LCD signs. Not a single building looked older than two years. It was obvious that this city had more than 1.2 million; it was closer to seven. This was the quaint capital of one of China's most remote provinces?

I tentatively planned three days in Kunming, but I cut that down to one. Shilin, the magnificent stone forest, 100km to the south is the most popular draw, but I boycotted it due to its oppressively high $40 entrance fee. I wondered how Chinese family of three could afford it, having to spend a month's wage. Instead, I ventured to the West Hills, the craggy "mountain" to Kunming's South, along the lake. The main attraction is the Dragon's Gate, halfway to the top, a doorway carved into the side of a cliff overlooking Kunming and the lake. The hike was very neat, passing through little caves and cliff-side grottoes. I did not enjoy waiting for the super slow Germans who came with me, but they were quite nice. The view was a bit depressing: a polluted lake, an endless polluted city, but the mountain itself was nice. this was all I needed to see. Expats do tell me that it is a terrible place to visit, but a great place to live. Good news for my friend Mila who will move there in August.

Yuanyang Rice Terraces



One of China's most famous sights is the endless expanse of rice terraces, stretching for miles, climbing up mountains during the sunrise. Normally, these spectacular shots are of the Yuanyang Rice Terraces in Southern Yunnan Province. It was another of the great places I first saw on Wild China, a great documentary by the BBC.

The writer for the Yunnan section of the Lonely Planet was terrible as I learned again and again. He drew a crude map of the area, but not of the town. His directions were unhelpful. He listed a hostel, but didn't tell where to find it; he didn't even list the village. I arrived with no ammo and no clue. I walked around aimlessly for fifteen minutes before a woman found me and brought me to her guest house.

She gave me a map, which was somehow even worse than the Lonely Planet one, seeming more artistic than based upon any kind of direction. So, I picked a road and walked. I'd gathered that the village was not walking distance to any of the spectacular terraces, but where I went was lovely; I spied locals going about their business, working the fields. I stopped to buy a water at tiny shop, and next thing I knew, some random villager was taking me by the arm to his home for food. I wasn't hungry, but such opportunities are fleeting and form the basis for everything I love about traveling: first hand exposure to another culture. The man and his family were Hanni and didn't speak any English; their Chinese wasn't too great either, but he could read and write the characters, which wasn't helpful to me.

I ate a few bites of food, got a bit drunk on some endless toasts of baijou, and smoked some non-intoxicating week, probably a type of tobacco, out of one of the giant bongs smoked all over North Vietnam and Yunnan. I stayed mostly silent, except to either repeat the last two words of any question asked of or to utter "Wo ting bu dong! (I don't understand.) They tired of my conversation quickly, but seemed to enjoy the random foreigner quotient of the evening. I doubt my random road choice sees many tourists. On my way out the guy scribbled something in the dirt, roughly translated to "Something Something Something China Something Something Good," and smiled. I take that as a positive omen.

I wasn't seeing too many westerners myself for a place featured on the first page of the book, I figured it would be swarming during the peak season. The next day, I emerged late in the morning after three coffees made on my Vietnamese coffee filter system (best buy ever before coming to the coffee anemic China). I finally saw six white people sitting in the lobby. "Foreigners!"

"Well hello." one said, "want some coffee?"

"Sure!" I replied. "Sorry, I haven't talked to anyone in three days. I was beginning to think foreigners didn't exist in Yunnan."

So I spent the day with this group, joining one for a sunset tour that got rained out. The next morning, we woke up for a sunrise tour, which was also rained out. Thankfully, it cleared up enough for a hike along the terraces. Our guide told us to walk in a certain direction, explaining it all the best he could in simple Chinese. I finally gathered we were to walk to the second village and not to take a left at any point, then he'd meet us with the van down the line. We got lost, having taken a right that led to a dead end and took so long, we were to miss our bus to Kunming that day. The walk was lovely though and we worked out an alternative route to Kunming that was cheaper than the direct bus. Sometimes seemingly annoying things work out for the best.

I think I've been travelign too long. The terraces of Yuanyang are gorgeous, but they did not excite me. This left me not only disappointed, but also with a great underlying guilt. Here I was, standing at one of the great sights fo the world and I'm unimpressed. What the other people see is gone. All that stands before me is a bunch of rice, yes, incomprehensible amounts, but rice all the same. This is the sign it is time to go home, but I still have a month left.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Going back to China

Michelle left at six in the morning; I saw her off and caught a quick hour nap before departing myself. I had a long bus ride to the border that day.

Getting my ticket to Lao Cai was much harder than it should have been. First off, the station from which I had to depart was the main bus station for Halong Bay. Every thirty seconds, at least, somebody approached me. "Halong?"

"No, Lao Cai."

"Haiphong?"

"Lao Cai."

"Halong?"

"LAO CAI!"

I went to the ticket window, avoiding the rouge touts trying to get me to buy overpriced, unofficial bus ticket to a city three hours in the wrong direction.

"Lao Cai." I asked.

The woman spoke no English, but I could tell that getting to the border was not as clear cut as hoped. She talked in Vietnamese for quite a while, only stopping when somebody would interrupt us to ask me if I was going to Halong Bay.

"Halong!"

"No, Lao Cai."

"Haiphong?"

"Lao Cai!"

"Halong?"

"LAO CAI! LAO CAI! LAO CAI!!!!!!"

Finally I had a ticket in my hand. I marched outside, physically pushing my way through more people trying to force me to Halong Bay. A young lad grabbed me and took me back inside to the ticket woman. He didn't speak English either, but was much more adept at alternate forms of communication. Apparently, no direct bus left for Lao Cai until that evening, which was no good for me. Thankfully, the lad was the conductor for a bus heading halfway to Lao Cai, where I could catch a connecting bus. It is quite amazing how these crazy coincidences always arise in Asia. I sort of understood this, but the original ticket lady had called somebody on her mobile who spoke English and explained to me clearly. The lade gave the boy my full fare, even though he was only taking me part way.

Once out of the never-ending suburbs of Hanoi, it was a lovely trip, with beautiful mountain scenery, rice paddies, jungles, and for the first time in Vietnam, I saw small villages! The Vietnamese locals stared, made fun of me (you can always tell) and were quite amused by my habit of crunching up noodle soup packets and eating them dry (cheapest snack in Asia!). After five hours, the lad pointed to me, said "Lao Cai, Lao Cai!" I jumped off the bus, made an immediate change to the other bus. The lad paid the extra fare to the new driver, very clearly showing me he was honest. For a smug, conceited punk like that, I quite respected this gesture; it made up for his blatant mockery of me.

After a few more scenic hours, I arrived at the Chinese border and prepared for one of the most infamous crossings in Asia.

I'm not sure why, maybe it is the most common land crossing for China by tourists, but the Lao Cai/Hekou border is one of the toughest in all of China. I've heard many a horror story of tourists having their entire bags emptied, book inspected, or worse, having all printed material thrown away despite the content. Lonely Planet warns that all passing this border should at least masque the cover of their China Lonely Planets; apparently, they are offended by Taiwan being portrayed as a separate country.. I passed without an inspection or even a second look.

Hekou was a nicer than average border town. It appeared to merely be one giant market with prostitutes. I was lucky to have easily found a hotel owner (he may have found me), who had a cheap, but dirty room, only a block from the bus station; my bus left at 6:00am the next day. "You want pretty Chinese girl, boom boom?" he asked before leaving.

"Nah, that's fine, I have to get up early tomorrow." I left to get some food and a beer.

It was quite refreshing to actually return to a country for once. I knew already some of the essentials for the language and had a general idea of costs. I randomly ordered a dish by point method, beef fried rice. I would think I'd have remembered those symbols. It was still good. China may not be a new country, but I still had a lot more to learn.

Hanoi




The bus that evening took us to a different bus station than expected, but I was able to follow the bus's course on my map and found out where we were. The Lonely Planet warned about the infamous taxi mafia of Hanoi, who overcharge, or worse, drop tourists at the wrong hotel, but with an identical name. We didn't want to be another victim. I'd learned early in my trip that taxi drivers were not to be trusted, so I developed a safe method to avoid scams and hotel touting. Simply have them drop you off at a high profile tourist attraction close to hotels, but also on a main road.

Our taxi driver was smiley and friendly, never a good sign in Asia, so I watched him closely, following his course on my map, noting the distance and spotting the meter. We pulled out of the parking lot and magically traveled two kilometers! I've never been too great with distance, but I doubted this tiny parking lot was among the world's largest bus stations.

"Hey man, meter broken."

He ignored me.

"Meter fast!"

He continued to ignore me. About every ten feet, the meter would add a hundred meters. It also kindly rounded .9km to 1.1km every time. Though we'd driven about three kilometers total (I watched his car odometer carefully), we'd somehow driven a total of ten kilometers, enough to put us well into the suburbs. He asked for his money from Michelle while I took down his registration for yet another email to the Vietnamese Board of Tourism. We sadly had no small change, so we gave him 50,000, half the meter. He stood there with his hand out wanting more.

"No!" I said. "Meter fast."

He chuckled, did not argue and got in his taxi and left. He still made twice the fare from us anyway.

We tried to find a dirty, cheap hotel, but had no luck. The cheapest (and we had to do a walkaway to get the price) was run by a mere boy who enjoyed playing online games more than doing his job. The room was ok, but it had its own computer with working facebook, so that made it all worthwhile.

Hanoi, or at least the middle is quite small. We saw most of the sites in a day, stopping by the Temple of Literature, a small lake in the old town, and some other random things along the way. We mostly people watched. It's a lovely city, much like Saigon, very green. In some ways it seemed like a giant small city, lacking skyscrapers and the soullessness of other big cities.

The highlight of our first day was a performance of the National Water Puppet Theater, an ancient art form done traditionally with floating puppets on the rice paddies, depicting scenes of rural life and old fables. We had to settle for a theater instead of paddies, but it was still wonderful. The puppets were run with many complex hidden mechanisms. I read that the secrets of the puppets were passed down through the generations and always to men (women could marry and potentially tell the secrets to their husbands of the other family). The troupe we saw did have a few women, so this tradition must be dead. The best part was the music, played by a talented traditional orchestra.

Our hotel flooded that night from the rain, so we moved to a new, less nice interior room. We had to pick our new room ourselves since the boy was still to busy with his games to point us to a new one.

We took it easy in the morning, then strolled through the old city a bit. Every street is named after the craft practiced by the storekeepers, so there's a hat street, a bamboo rod street, a wood bowl street, a toilet seat street. These days though, they should all be renamed to tourist shit street. Our main goal, however, was to hunt down some dog meat.

Lonely Planet mentioned some restaurants North of the city, by the West Lake, so we made an afternoon of it, getting lost in the suburbs north of town. Though it was nicer along the lake, the dog restaurants were just off the highway. Finally we saw a sign for dog meat and stopped.


The place we stopped was almost like a warehouse loft. In the states, it would be hip, eating on the ground of an abandoned factory, sipping imported Vietnamese beer and chowing on dog sausages with the soundtrack of barking dogs in the distance; in this real setting though in Vietnam, it was a little unsettling. We were given three varieties of dog, slices of roast, some sausage, and some fried, coated meat. It all came with a crispy sesame, rice cake. Dog meat is ok; it didn't taste remarkable in any way, just generic protein. I know I won't be looking at Zeke as a tail-wagging snack, but at least I know that if I find myself in a Jack London short story, I at least have some options. Sorry White Fang.


For our last day, we visited the national art gallery, which was ok. Nineteenth century sculpture is quite incredible. the subject is mostly religious, depicting pilgrims, but the stylized facial expressions, like three dimensional representations of Van Gogh's Potato eaters were quite powerful. The paintings largely derivative of European styles from 50 years before. Some of the war era works were good, primarily the horrific ones. I didn't care for the propagandist works with smiling soldiers helping the villagers pull buffalo out of the muck and other such heartless drivel.

On the way back, we stopped by the mausoleum of Ho Chi Minh, which was a sort of communist neo-classical style if you can imagine that. Much like other communist leaders, the people are allowed to view the embalmed body, despite his wished to be simply cremated. The viewings were closed that afternoon; I'm not sure if I was disappointed or not.

Michelle had her flight back home the next morning, so we stopped for a nice meal at Highway 4, specializing in Northwestern Vietnamese cuisine and some high quality rice and fruit spirits, where were quite fantastic. We ordered stir-fried water buffalo and some fantastic roast duck served on a bed of crispy, deep-fried herbs. Asia keeps introducing me to such novel, yet delicious cooking styles. Partway through our add-on dish of deep-fried, breaded chicken tossed in a passion fruit sauce, Michelle got a call with tragic news from home, quickly bringing our evening to a halt.

We stayed up for too late, packing , talking and just doing our best to enjoy the short time we had left with eachother. I wasn't looking forward to the next morning. Michelle and I have basically been spending every moment together for about two months and we'd been a couple for four months already. I fearing traveling alone again. Except for the two weeks in North Thailand, I'd had steady company for the last six months. I wouldn't be alond for too long though. In three weeks I would be visiting Fai and Eddie in Hong Kong, followed by a visit to Ray in Taiwan. After that, I was joining Michelle again in Norway for a couple weeks before we each start our lives again, apart.

Halong Bay



Halong Bay is the one essential stop for all who venture to Vietnam. Karst mountains can make anyone drool, but with thousands, stretching for thirty miles along the coast, rising right out of the sea will make anyone...I don't really know of want to imagine the verb for an excess of drooling, but let's say it leaves travelers rabid, for more reasons than just the scenery.

I can't say as I was a fan of the four hour bus ride from Nihm Binh, through endless urban sprawl and dynamited mountains and coal plants. There is money in these peaks for sure, but I'd rather that come from tourism. Though they checked our ticket and saw our destination, the bus still drove past our destination. Thankfully, I caught this immediately, so it was only a five dollar cab ride back to where we meant to go.

The tourist ferry at Halong City was a zoo of people, tourist and touts alike. We brushed by them all and headed straight to the official tourist information building. A man stopped us inside, trying to sell us an expensive tour that did not take us our intended destination, Cat Ba Town, but we ignored him and tried to find someone official. I thought we did, he had lots of information, spoke English and offered us the same tour as the first man, but for only 100,000 dong, over half the price. We told him we wanted to go to Cat Ba Town and he sold us a differnet, five-hour tour through the bay, arriving in Cat Ba Town for 230,000 dong. We met up with a Swiss guy doing the same tour.

We stood on the dock for nearly an hour, finally leaving at 2PM. A five-hour tour would take us to Cat Ba Town around dark. About 20 minutes out to the sea, a man from the boat asked us how we intended to reach Cat Ba Town. "Well," I replied, "I was planning on taking this boat there since we paid extra to be taken there."

He then explained that the boat did not go to Cat Ba Town, but a port 40km away, meaning we were sold the 100,000 dong tour for double price. I argued, but he claimed ignorance, saying, "Somebody must have cheated you." But who? Nobody seemed to know this phantom ticket seller that has been doing business with the boat company. Nobody seemed concerned that they were doing business with a man who ripped off at least four of their customers, making them extremely unhappy with the company just that very day. Nor did they seem concerned that we were being dropped off at some outlying port on a giant jungle island, nor offered us any advice on how to get to some accommodation. And they most definitely did not offer us a refund for the extra money we paid to be taken to town. I threatened to talk to the police, but they weren't too concerned about that either. I'm sure this is a long-standing conspiracy. They even went out of their way to make fun of me, thus stirring me to make a personal crusade against this fraudulent boat company. Let's just say that the Vietnamese Board of Tourism, Lonely Planet, and some online forums will have some angry comments. Yes, it is only five dollars, but it's about the principle, the lying, not the money. I can be overcharged. I can be underwhelmed, but I will not be lied to. So, never do business with Canh Buom Halong tours. Also Pearl Tours as well. One employee from that company told me I was mistaken and our boat did go to Cat Ba Town, before condescendingly and intimidatingly slapped the back of my head before saying, "you're very intelligent."

Let's just say I didn't really enjoy my two and half hour tour much, with an hour and a half of that time docked at tourist attractions I had no interest to see. This is not to say anything bad about the bay itself, which was incredible.

Before I left, I got the captain to scribble the name of the man who fraudulently sold us tickets for the police report they knew I'd never file. Not that I could do much about the scribble anyway. The name was either Ley or Lem or Leu or Lacy or Lucy or Leey or Leej or Licy, you get the gist. We attempted to join the boat's bus to town for a little extra, but they essentially told us the shove it. Michelle, the swiss guy and I then attempted to find a way to town. The motorbikes were insanely priced and not a good option with our luggage. No taxis existed, but we found a local bus. They quoted us 100,000 dong, which was insane for the distance and we eventually talked them down to 70,000 each. Others on the bus did however pay the full 100k. The ticket lady tore off the tickets, but never showed them to us. A crumbled ticket on the floor showed the fare was 15,000. We attempted an uprising, but when they got angry and all but threatened to strand us in the jungle, we complied. I hadn't really been ripped off since Delhi, five months earlier and to have it happen twice in a day was bit much.

Cat Ba town was tourist taint, armpit, asshole, essentially any unattractive, stinky, undesirable part of the body. The room we bought however was lovely, spacious, clean, with air-con a comfortable bed and a balcony overlooking the bay for only $10 a night! We could, however, only book two nights since the entire town would book out on Friday. Michelle slept in quite late, so we decided to rent a motorbike, which we rode all over the gorgeous jungle-karst island, exploring hidden bays and hugging the turns on narrow cliff-side roads. it was a great retreat from the insanity of the one-street resort city.

Food was pricey, though crabs were cheap, so I had my fill of them for the two days I spent there. One night, we hit up a bustling karaoke bar where I attempted to sing a song. The lady assured me there were English songs, but there was no list; she just told me to write down a song. I did, but they never called me to sing. After an hour of hearing the Vietnamese serenade us with sappy, sad, bitter songs about the horrors of war with America, we left.

Day two was going to be our kayaking day, but the sea was rough and the sky threatened rain for the whole day. We hit up the beach instead. Michelle was glued to the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and I body-surfed and fought waves for the whole afternoon. I was even invited by some Vietnamese men to play soccer. I stuck to defense to not betray my complete lack of skill.

We left that afternoon for Hanoi. I was sad to have not gone out in the bay with a kayak. In fact, I saw precious little of the natural wonder, which was unfortunate, but that tiny glimpse, outside of the crowds, the fraud, and the prices made it all worthwhile.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Nihm Binh



There are few places worse to sleep than on a bus seat. it is impossible to get comfortable, there is hardly enough leg room, reclining impossible. One thing that is worse though is sleeping on a Vietnamese sleeper bus. Essentially there are a series of reclining seats, with a small wedged compartment for the feet, which makes the top half of the seat in front of you. Clever design, but actually worse than a seat, since it kills the vertical plane. They are too short for westerners and when you have a day pack, there is absolutely no room for feet at all. We traveled in one of these overpriced models of pseudo-comfort for twelve hours from Hue to Nimh Binh. I did manage to get some poor sleep,; it was much better when I discovered the doors at the sides of wedge so I could stick my feet out and wiggle my toes.

We arrived in Nimh Binh at 5am then immediately found a hotel for a nap. The city is not too pleasant: dusty, crowded and lined with unnecessary flashing lights. Thankfully we didn't come for the city; it was the range of limestone mountains just outside we came to see.

We rented a motorbike and rode to Tam Loc, a cave down a river that flows through the towering karsts. It was powerful scenery. Rice fields filled the river as we floated along by a rowboat that our driver rowed with his feet. The trip went a mile or so through two caves, past little temples, dwarfed by the mountains. At the end of the line, we met a wall of floating souvenieer pedlers, hounding us to buy useless stuff at prices twice that of the markets. "Drink?!"

"Sorry, we have."

"Drink for driver?"

"Sorry, they have water."

Thankfully, they realized quickly we weren't going to buy anything. I took a paddle from the old woman for the return trip, but instead of resting, she kicked her son from the other oars and kept rowing. They were friendly and fun; we didn't even care that they tried to sell us their embroidered t-shirts for most of the way back. It was a ridiculously hot and humid Vietnamese (I guess that is a bit redundant) day and since I did much paddling myself, I knew it was hard work. A tip was definitely in order, until they stopped paddling and asked if we were going to tip. We still planned tip after this, but the amount suddenly became significantly less. Their tip got decreased even more when they told us how much to tip them. The amount asked was what we originally planned to pay them, but their hounding us about it lowered the total to half of that amount. I then told them why as well. Principals you see.

I drove us to a nearby mountain that we saw from the boat and climbed to the top for some jaw dropping views. From there, we rode North quite a bit, along a bumping dirt road, giving me some new skills on the bike. Driving through town during rush hour taught me even more skills, the most important, how to avoid cardiac arrest during left turns.

The real highlight was our dinner that night, the best dish I had in Vietnam. Nihm Bihn is famous for it's goat meat, one of my favorites. We found a small place during a downpour and ordered a dish. It said "rare goat meat", but what were given was raw meat, tossed in spices and nuts, served with rice papers, pineapples and a divine sauce. Michelle and I basically melted in our chairs. I never imagined raw meat could be so orgasmic.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Hue




Everyone we met was raving about Hoi An, an old city with great architecture, right on the ocean. It was apparently so nice, both sides in the war left it untouched. All buses there were sold out that day. We could not imagine spending another day in Da Lat, so we explored alternate methods, finally, we were told by one ticket seller that his bus to Hue stops at Danang, an hour from Hoi An. So we boarded the cramped uncomfortable bus for our 12 hour journey north. There are tourist places between but they were mostly beach stops, and Michelle and I had lived quite a long time on a beach. The road was quite amazing, heading over a giant mountain pass, cut through jungle so dense, it just looked like a bumping green coating. This was the real Vietnam from the movies!

Michelle was not in a great mood, which was strange since she's the calmer of the two of us, if such a thing could be possible. The ticket guy was a jerk, constantly making fun of us. The man in front of us was constantly farting vile gas. The driver seemed in love with both his break and horn, plus we were stuck in the dreadful wheel seat with no leg room, and me constantly uttering, "We're getting shipped to Den-ang!" in raspy tough, stereotypical American voice did not help her demeanor. We slept poorly, but at least we weren't stuck in the aisle like 15 other poor souls.

We awoke to some lovely scenery, driving along a narrow stretch of land, an aisle through the rice paddies on the small patch of land between the mountains and the sea. I was sad to have slept through such breathtaking sights. Based on the sunlight however, we were most definitely passed Denang. We never even stopped there; Michelle and I woke up whenever the bus seemed to even turn. It was all fine though, we wanted to go to Hue anyway.

Hue was once the capitol of pre-French Vietnam. It was a lovely city set on the Perfume River. We sprung for a nice hotel room with air-con. Though Michelle and I are both quite against the dry, headache-inducing, heat-tolerance killing machine, Vietnam proved to be way too hot and humid. We'd been without it for months in wet, 90-100 degree weather, but Vietnam was something else. I don't even want to consider how hot it was. Also, Laos, Cambodia, and Thailand were all in the middle of the wet monsoon, so the oppressive day heat was canceled by the regular evening rains. Vietnam was not, so even at night, it was over 100.

We took a long nap and decided it was a lost day, or rather a day for relaxing.

The next day, we rented some bicycles and attempted to get a night bus for the next evening to Nimh Binh. They were all sold out of tourist tickets, so we fought the heat and rode five miles to the North bus station for another round of Vietnamese hospitality. We asked if they had buses to Nimh Binh. The woman said no. We asked if there was any way to get there and she explained that we could take a bus to Hanoi, but disembark on the way. We asked if we could buy a ticket to Hanoi and she simply replied, "no bus."

"No bus to Hanoi?"

"No bus!"

I found it hard to believe that there were no buses between two of the largest cities in the country, especially since the schedule on the wall said otherwise. I pointed to the schedule, but the woman instead pointed to the door. We then thought maybe, maybe this was not the right bus station. We asked a police officer in our best Vietnamese, (here, translated to English) "Here, North bus station" He replied with an angry look, so we got on our bikes and rode around the old city instead.

What a difference a wall makes! The outside parts of the city were typical Vietnam, hectic, full of mass motorbikes, but the old city was empty, despite housing a large percentage of the city's population. It was lush and green with scattered parks and lakes. We stopped for one of the many local specialties, Bun Bo Hue (or beef noodles in the Hue style) at a tiny father and son shop before buying an overnight ticket the day after next.

Hue is famous for its foods and the five-star hotel near ours advertised a buffet for only $15! So we dressed up, headed up, but found no buffet, no customers either. A glance at the menu showed insane prices (for Vietnam at least). We were about to leave, but well, Michelle and I both like to occasionally treat ourselves to some fine dining, so we order a set menu of local specialties. I was still puzzled by the empty restaurant on a Friday night. Something was wrong.

The meal started with amazing seafood salad, a medley of spicy, sweet, and sour, served with crispy rice cakes. Adorned with squid, prawns, with big chunks of ginger and chilies, it was fantastic burst of flavors and textures. With it was four local spring rolls, rice paper wrapped wrapped around vermicelli green beans, lettuce, mint and prawns. Next was a thick fish soup that was better than average, but didn't really blow me away. The main was honestly quite terrible. There were dry, fatty, tasteless slices of pork served with fermented prawn paste. I'd had this paste in Thailand and was disgusted then as well. The second time was no better. There was some over-cooked chicken in a flavorless lemon-grass sauce as well. Finally we were garlicy fried morning glory that had been done better at hole-in-the-wall shitholes for mere pennies. All came with too wet rice. Our dessert was some lotus seeds in a sweet syrup that was only good because it provided some water; I refused to pay $5 for a glass of water. It was the worst $30 meal of my life. I could understand why they had not one customer on a Friday night.

Michelle and I booked a tour (shut up!) to see a far out temple and the imperial tombs by dragon boat on the Perfume River. The boat ride was lovely; the river led out of town quite quickly, leaving us with only the company of the green mountains, rice fields, and fishing boats. I felt like Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now, except my motley crew of misfit soldiers were replaced by camera toting Vietnamese tourists and the machine gun in front was replaced with two gay looking dragons. We saw a peaceful garden and a traditional Vietnamese house, an impressive pagoda, and one of three imperial tombs. Our guide said the first was the best, and that was merely nice.

We had already spent three day in town, but had yet to see the grand citadel, home of the Forbidden Purple City, the great palace in Hue. Most importantly though, we wanted to send our packages. We walked to the post office, but international shipping wouldn't open for an hour, so we stopped across the street for some lunch. It was run by a rocking cool old lady and the food was great. A father and son (or so we assumed) were polishing off their tenth beer and we were invited to share a drink with them. Finally, we were able to share some social contact with some Vietnamese locals. Much like the Chinese, when the Vietnamese drink beer, they pour it into small glasses, toast, then down the whole glass in one drink. With the hot sun and quick drinking, it took us about three beers between the two of us to get a bit drunk. We needed more ice (they drink beer with ice in Vietnam) and the healthily drunk older man felt that ice picks were an unnecessary invention, considering that the Chinese invented the karate chop thousands of years ago. The young man implored him to not do it, to just let the waitress hack at it with an icepick, but nothing can match the stubbornness of a drunk Asian man. He reared up in what must have been a pseudo-kung fu pose--he was no Bruce Lee--channeled his qi, then slammed his hand down upon the ice. It broke with much applause. It was when he reared up for a second hack that his younger comrade put up a real fuss. The second chunk was smaller, lower to the ground, thus harder to break and easier to cause injuries. The older man would have none of it. He again channeled his qi (or was experiencing the spins, I'm not sure which) and slammed his hand with great force on the ice. It didn't break. Good thing he was drunk, because it was obviously quite painful. We took this as our cue to leave. We did not want to inspire more drunken antics that could lead to a hospital visit.


So we finally returned to the post office, a bit lightheaded and began the now difficult business of mailing packages. Thankfully, the postwoman knew at least the English names for the countries to which we wished to ship our parcels. It did not take long for the other inevitable effect of beer consumption to arise. Despite the awesome efficiency of the woman, not wasting one second, stamping in a blurred flurry, preparing post cards in the ten seconds it took us to fill out forms, she still was not fast enough for our bladders. We stood cross-legged for most of the process. Michelle's parcels were first and when the postlady finished, Michelle said with tears in her eyes, "I can't wait, I have to use the toilet...now!" She literally ran our the door. I suffered for five more minutes, then doing the same when finished, not caring that I'd even forgotten a couple items. I arrived a minute after Michelle; she got lost.

Michelle was not in the mood for more touring, so I headed to the citadel alone. Honestly, it wasn't too great, but that was mainly due to bombing from the war. Hue was captured by the North and much of the city, including the historic buildings was destroyed in the recapture. A shame; war is hell. Some of the temples on the East side were still intact and quite lovely.

I don't wish to paint a picture of Hue as a bad place; it is a beautiful, mostly friendly city, probably one of the nicest in the whole country. It was one of the few places where I had a chance to see some real culture. Despite being a touristy city, people still go about their lives normally. The food was mostly delicious, the cheaper the better, paradoxically, the people were quite relaxed and friendly, and most of all, it is simply gorgeous for a city. Vietnam seems to be a country of cities; any collection of people seems to exceed 100,000. I'd yet to see a single village. As far as cities go though, Hue is one of the best.

Dalat



From my research, Da Lat sounded like a wonderful mountain town with delightful agricultural villages and peaks easily accessible by motorbike for exploring. This old French hill station proved to be nothing but a tacky, soulless tourist trap. For one, we were th only foreigners there. It was filled with tour buses bursting with domestic tourists looking to escape the heat of the lowlands and visit the lame attractions that I doubt anyone could like.

We rented a motorbike for my first excursion on the crazy streets of Vietnam. Our first stop and main sight we'd come come to see was The Crazy House, the greatest hotel on Earth. It was a surrealistic wonderland, brainchild of Dang Viet Nga. It was meant to resemble nature, but was too strange to exist naturally. With twisted staircases through caves, fake trees, featuring themed rooms, all occupied by animal statues with glowing red eyes, there has never been a more fun building in which to get lost. It was too bad we'd booked a room elsewhere because this fun house actually had quite nice rooms for a decent price, if you can handle tourists constantly walking through.

We had our second encounter with the warmth and hospitality of the Vietnamese nearby when we searched for our lunch. One place was hopping and the smells were divine. WE walked in and were ignored for five minutes before a woman finally greeted us and told us "No English menu". Vietnamese features a roman script, which is quite easy to figure out. We'd already learned enough food words to at least know the gist of what we ordered. I said kindly, "It's ok, Vietnamese menu" pointing to myself. The woman angrily pointed out the door. We were not deterred and stood in the doorway for a few more minutes before another waitress pointed to the door and yelled "Go away!" We had a lovely lunch next door.

We stopped at a palace, which was more of just a large house. Then we biked 10km North to the Valley of Love. When the word tacky was first used, my only guess is that it was used to describe this wasteland of cheese. Adorned with heart-shaped fountains, sculptures of lovers, benches built for two, a zoo of fiberglass and plaster animals including tigers, giraffes, deer, and even a velociraptor, the valley of love was simply stupid. We did have fun, posing for silly photos and gawking at the Vietnamese tourists who seemed to love it all; they even paid money to the "cowboys" offering tethered horse rides. By the time we'd reached the actual valley, which was not that pretty, we were ready to run.

We hoped on our hog (ok, a 100cc scooter) and headed for the tallest mountain we could see. We rode and rode for miles, the stupid city never ending. How could 100,000 people occupy so much potentially pretty countryside? We passed farms and terraces, between high rise hotels until we reached the mountain, which was lined at the gate by at least 20 megabuses. We retreated, finding a quiet cafe, devoid of tourists for a lovely Vietnamese coffee instead.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Saigon



I didn't expect to like Saigon at all. First off, it's a big city and I typically hate big cities. Second, I'd heard so many horrible stories of Vietnam, how it was touristy, ugly, unremarkable, and ruthlessly deceptive in ways of business. I'd gotten to a point where I was considering skipping it altogether, despite being a convenient transit back to China. Well, Michelle was game and I didn't mind adding another country, so we went. I'm glad I did.

Saigon was quite nice. It was green, full of parks and trees, had delicious food, and a great riverside setting, with a chilled out vibe that seemed to ignore it's massive size.

Our schedule only afforded us one whole day, but I used the most of it. We strolled around learning quickly how to cross the ocean of motorbikes. Our first stop was to visit "the lunch lady", a sweet, jolly soup monger running a simple stall in the far north of town. She was featured on Anthony Bourdain, so I figured I could not go wrong. She makes a different fresh soup for each day of the week and people flock from all around to try her now world famous soup. Even with directions from Google, she was hard to find. A certain alley looked familiar from TV and I saw a woman who looked a bit like the one from the show. We wandered around undecided if we'd hit the right alley until the sweet old lady, wearing the classic conical hat with a purple chin strap, greeted us with her soft eyes, "You look for Lunch Lady? That's me!" she cutely exclaimed. The soup, Cau Lao, a Hoi An specialty was divine, featuring meaty hand-pulled noodles, prawns, a little liver, an orgasmically flavored sausage, with rice cakes on top in a rich mouth-watering broth. It was easily one of the best soup I've tasted in my life. Thanks again Tony.

The soup lady was very close to a recommended temple by Lonely Planet, which had no appeal to me at all. Thanks again Lonely Planet. Next was the War Remnants museum, a very one-sided but poignant museum on the US war crimes during the war in Vietnam. It was quite informative and tasteful, dedicated to the furthering peace. The museum wisely began with a thank you to the US government for opening diplomatic relations to further the aim of peace between the two nations.

Besides this, we ate more good food, saw the cathedral and experienced our first taste of the un-hospitality of Vietnam. We wanted to mail packages home so we talked to the post office. We timed our trip poorly as we were caught in the monsoon rain. After being trapped under an awning for twenty minutes, a passing peddler sold us some ponchos and we made it to our destination. After talking to the woman and learning the rates, we spent five minutes unpacking our things from the plastic bags, then arranged them into piles for where we'd be sending each package. The woman watched us do this for the whole time, then the second we went to begin our packaging, she shut off the light and told us they were closed. Why didn't she just tell us when we came in that we would not have enough time to get the business done before closing? Be begrudgingly repacked our things for another five minutes and headed back into the rain.

Cambodian Food

For being sandwiched between three of the great culinary nations of SE Asia, Cambodian cuisine is much like its landscape, mostly flat, but generally pleasant. The flavors are quite subdued, unlike the flavor kick of Thailand of the fresh delight of Laos and the carefully crafted balance of Vietnam. It was quite good for some dishes. Amok, the national dish, a curry, which varied much in style and quality, wasn't too bad, like a Thai curry, but boring. My favorite was Lok Lak, a simple stir fry with a side of salt and pepper, made into a sauce with a wedge of lime. This was always cheap and delicious. The highlight though is the streetside BBQ, featuring juicy pigeon, duck, and one lucky night when we had suckling pig.

Battambang

My friend Victor's ancestral home (or one of them anyway) is Cambodia. I felt that since I was visiting his ethnic homeland, I should check out the town from which his family originates, Battambang. It is the second biggest city in the country, though that doesn't make it big. I didn't really know what to see there, but Michelle and I stopped by anyway for a look.

As usual, when our bus arrived, we were chased by a mob of tuk-tuk drivers who saw white faces in the window. One energetic lad spotted us and was able to keep up by running until the bus stopped. I shut the curtain.

In the end, we hired him to take us to a guesthouse. He offered us a cheap tour of the area, including a few temples and waterfalls, which we turned down: we'd already seen enough of both. The man was quite astute; he read us quickly and changed his plan. He then suggested taking us through the countryside, around the villages, the bamboo train, a local winery, and finally stopping for a tour of his humble rice farm home. How could we say no?

Everytime I've booked a tour, I vow to never do it again. Dollar (what a name!) changed our views on tours. It was fantastic. He was funny, personable, and most importantly, passionate about Battambang. So many drivers have no interest in the place, it makes their tours quite dull.

Our first stop was the bamboo train. Simply, it is a makeshift bamboo platform on wheels. Originally, it was moved by punting, but now they are equipped with a small diesel engine. Zipping down the rickety tracks, through the rice fields, sitting on an open platform was simply amazing. When another train meets in the track, one is quickly disassembled to let people by. In the very near future (this has been in the near future for years now), the train will be discontinued to make room for an express Bangkok to Phenom Phen train line. This will cripple that livelihood of these simple farmers. The train not only provides a bit of supplemental income (the daily profits are rotated), but also transportation between the farms. Progress is going to kill some of these tiny villages.

We then ventured into the country for a tour of some local farms and communities along a lovely river. We stopped for nearly an hour to enjoy the view, playing with the local children, wresting and rock throwing contests included. It was great!

Our final stop due to time was the local winery, first in Cambodia. The wine was nothing special, but the grape juice, ginger juice, and brandy were all quite good. Dollar told us his story of how he used to admire an English learning book at a shop, stopping everyday to read it, since he could not afford to buy it on his meager rice wages. After years of this, the owner gave him the book as a gift. He then studied everyday by the river, stopping tourists to practice when he wasn't farming. Eventually, he saved enough money and learned enough English to rent a tuk-tuk for a day and gave a tour. He's been successful since. He also told us about the current politics and his own family's experience during the Khmer Rouge. It was enlightening. It was simply the best tour I've ever had. We both tipped him generously.

Our one day in Battambang ended with a riverside dinner at the night markets. I finally sampled the Cambodia specialty, Balut, a pregnant egg. It is a bird fetus, still in the shell. It was not too bad, tasting like a mixture between eggs and chicken, as one might expect. Another weird food item checked off the list.

K-TV

We spent what would be our last night with Marian and Blancdine by hitting up a K-tv center. In Asia, karaoke is big business where groups rent rooms of varrying quality and spend hundreds on overpriced whiskey and snacks. When we walked in, the owners thought they'd hit jackpot, escorting us to their VIP room, with pool table, leather couches, and its own bar. It took three more downgrades in quality before they understood that we only wanted to sing a few songs.

For the first five minutes, set to a cranked up version of Justin Bieber's "Baby" we had three waitresses and a bouncer. It dwindled down to a single woman who merely showed up every ten minutes to delete songs that she didn't like from our list. We decided not to pay $100 for a bottle of Johnny Walker or Canadian Club and made no friends in the establishment. They were glad after we left, racking up a total bill of $10 for the rental of the room. Expecting us to be rich foreigners, who'd bring in lots of money, the owners did quite get what they expected. It was quite fun though and definitely an essential experience, but I prefer pub karaoke.

Temple of Angkor




At one time, Cambodia was the center of a great empire, stretching into Laos, Thailand, and Vietnam. Their great capital at Angkor Thom, near the current city of Siam Riep, was one of the greatest cities in the world, with a thriving population of over a million in 1400 and home to some of the greatest works of architecture on the planet.

I spent three days here, mostly touring alone. Michelle had already spent five days here, but was kind enough to return so I could see the temples. The first day, I biked to the Roulous group, East of town. The map said 13km, but this was misleading as it was actually 20km from our hostel (13km from the far edge of town). It was a long hot ride and the temples were merely nice. I accepted the workout; I'd been lazy for the last few weeks in Laos, just chilling and drinking delicious beer.

The second day was even hotter. I bought a three day pass and decided to save the star attractions, Bayon and Angkor Wat for the last day. On day two, I biked the grand circuit, hitting up the secondary, but still quite great ruins of the ancient capital. It was over 100F and everyone thought I was crazy to spend eight hours biking 60km that day. It really wasn't so bad, somebody tried to sell me water far more often than I needed it and the temples were great. The highlights were the mountain temple of Pre Rup, the massive monastery of Preah Kahn, and Tha Proem, where the Tomb Raider movie was filmed. The last is quite popular for its rustic, eaten-by-jungle look, featuring many trees growing into the temple. The effect was killed by the wooden plank walkways and roped off photo areas.

The last day was the most spectacular of course, but I planned it that way. I shared a rickshaw with Marion and Blancdine to the Bantay Srei temple far to the north. To to a wise choice in stones, this temple contains the best preserved sculptures and carvings in the whole park and is deservedly popular. I left them near Angkor Thom and caught a motorbike to Bayon, one of the most famous temples in the world, simply known as "that temple with all the faces". It was both incredible and creepy. There were literally hundreds of faces, staring in the four cardinal directions on each one of the many towers. The carvings around the outside walls were quite amazing as well.

I ended my day at Angkor Wat, largest single religious building in the world, hailed by most as a wonder of the world (sure as hell beats the lame statue of Jesus in Rio). I cheated though. The previous day, I snuck a look from the East side to catch a good sunset photo. I was not too impressed honestly. The second time, I did it right, entering from main gate, facing west. (Angkor Wat is unique as one of few Hindu/Buddhist temples who entrances does not face east.) It is breathtaking. Huge, with hours of carving spotting opportunities, is is definitely a wonder. I arrived later, so I pushed through it quickly, but I could have spent much more time marveling at many hidden carved corners. The first floor has a giant carved mural stretching around nearly the whole building (over a kilometer in length). it is obvious why Cambodia adorns their money, flag and everything else with the awe-inspiring temple. Siam Riep was well worth the money and the time.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Phenom Phen

We stopped at the capital of Cambodia to get our Vietnam visas. Michelle had scrapped her plans to visit India in favor of traveling longer with me. Phenom Phen was a nice Asian city, again on the Mekong. It had a few nice temples and a grand palace that was basically a much smaller, less ornate version of its Thai counterpart.

The main tourist "attractions" if you can call them attractions, were the S-21 prison, where the horrific Khmer Rouge tortured thousands of nationals they suspected to be traitors, forcing them to confess to crimes they never committed, then transferred to the killing fields for immediate execution.

In the early 1970's, Cambodia broke into civil war. Severely weakened by constant blanket bombing by the United States, the Sianouk's kingdom of Cambodia fell to the rebellious communists, the Khmer Rouge, who rallied enough support by the desperate farmer, whose lives had been destroyed by western powers. Capitalism was becoming a symbol for western oppression and the Cambodian people had tired of being bombed despite their neutral status during the American War (how the "Vietnam" war is called in Asia).

The Khmer Rouge took over in 1975, closing the borders and shipping all foreigners out of the country. Pol Pot's government had a grand plan that was executed in the most horrific ways. They believed that Cambodia should become a completely self-sufficient agricultural collective, a return to simpler times, before the corruption and the materialism spread, but with one central government to make sure all were fed doing their part. They evacuated the cities and sent everyone to agricultural work camps where the people became slaves for the government. It started out disastrously as a large percentage of the nation's population died during the initial migration. Food was rationed to near starvation levels. The former city dwellers became second class citizens under the villagers and were given far less food. Not there they was much food anyway, despite everyone in the nation's switch to agriculture, there was precious little food for the Cambodians to eat. In reality, the food was being sold for guns and ammuntion to wage war on the newly reunified Vietnam. Hundreds of thousands starved to death. Anybody associated with Sianouk's old government, lawyers, doctors, pretty much anyone with education were rounded up tortured in prison camps around the country and brutally murdered using sticks, hammers, and other crude instruments to save bullets. Babies bodies were whipped against trees.

Thankfully, the genocide and starvation only lasted for four years; the Vietnamese liberated the nation in 1979, installing a corrupt puppet government, though not well liked, was an improvement over the blind slaughter of citizens under Pol Pot.

Pol Pot and the Khmer rouge fled to the borderlands between Thailand and Cambodia and led a United States sponsored guerrilla war until 1993, leaving landmines scattered across the country that still kill thousands, even today. I was horrified by this fact that I never learned in school. The Khmer Rouge had a UN seat; the United States supported, armed, and funded the exiled government for 15 years after they committed the mass genocide of millions of their own citizens. they did this merely to covert continued war on the communist Vietnam to help prevent Asia from becoming communist. The Khmer Rouge let me add were communist as well. Eventually, the Khmer Rouge were finally hunted down and put on trial. Pol Pot died peacefully. Duch, the founder of the S-21 prison was the only one of the evil government to be captured and punished. For the murder of thousands, he got 35 years (reduced to about 20)in a cushy western political prison. Justice served.

So, suffice to say, it was the feel good tour of my trip. S-21 had the worst energy I've ever felt in my entire life. It was simply presented. The main torture building just had the beds and shackles in the center of the room. Some graphic, black and white photos of dead inmates taken during the liberation in a few of the rooms were unnecessary; I could feel the rooms that housed the most horrific acts. One room in particular floored me. Outside, I felt fine, but upon entering, I felt instant pain, as if somebody was driving their thumbs into my eyes and I could not breathe. I did not say anything to Michelle at first, but after we left the room, Michelle mentioned that it left her nauseated (I met another friend who had visited the prison and mentioned similar feelings in the exact same room). It was some serious bad juju. Some other rooms elicited similar effects, especially the blocks of tiny wooden holding cells, just big enough for somebody to lie down. There was a whole floor showing all the mug shots of the prisoners, The Khmer Rouge documented everyone. While in this room, there was a filming of a news story about another woman who had escaped, but was assumed dead until she saw her photo at the museum.

There was a fantastic room full of accounts of the soldiers working at the prison, telling of hew they had no choice but to commit terrible acts our of fear of the same being done to them. They also talked of dealing with having to do such things their lives afterward. It was a very tasteful, yet soberingly, painful museum. Except for the gift shop, which made me nearly as sick as the rest of the prison.

The Killing Fields were less intense. The whole area was turned into a park with paths going past the mass graves of the victims. The centerpiece was a giant stupa containing the skulls and clothing of many killed there. Sadly, this was one of many killing fields throughout the country. There was something chilling about walking through the paths with bone fragments and torn clothing of the victims still sticking out of the dirt. I personally wanted to torture the group of young Cambodians doing smiling "jumping" photos at such a peaceful, yet horrific place. Both museums were dedicated to peace and warning visitors of the reality of evil and how easily it can take over people and governments.

These places were all the more difficult because of the sad reality that these events were only thirty years ago. The holocaust in some ways is too distant to comprehend, but in Cambodia, every local over thirty lived in this dark time of our world's history. And genocide still happens.

What is more sad, is that my own government continues to ignore or support these acts in a vain attempt to make money. Southeast Asia has ultimately taught me how easily our government could turn against us. Even our current president, world-"saviour" Obama, signed laws to continue our own unethical torture and murder of our own citizens in the "war on terror." The Department of Homeland Security is using the same scare tactics and lies as Pol Pot to justify our own torture prisons. I honestly don't see the difference, except the scope and hell, we supported Pol Pot despite the murder of millions, so I really have little faith in the "goodness" of the American government. American citizens need to wake up, see these places first hand as a warning of what governments, acting for the "good" of the people, can do. Then maybe we can all stand up, tell our leaders that we don't want to be the next Cambodia. We don't support torture, racial profiling, genocide. We need to ignore the brainwashing of the media that is controlled by the same people who control our government and read the history of our evil nation and atrocities that it has committed and continues to commit around the globe, in the name of good and freedom they claim as their justification. We need to hold on to the rights that our forefathers gave us to prevent the current age of soft-despotism in which we currently live and not let fear-mongering force us to sacrifice these rights. Obama is nearly as bad as Nixon, he's just more savvy about it. He speaks well, is handsome with a good smile, but continues the work started by George W. with much of the legislation he passes. In some ways, I fear him more than George Bush because of the blind cult that surrounds him. Democrats are as corrupt as Republicans and it is time for some new leaders to take power before we become another version of 1970's Cambodia. Because, after all, the US helped create that beast.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Laos Time

Laos is one of the most laid back countries in the world. People there value fun over money any day, so there is very little hassle, but it was sometime difficult to get service.

A common encounter is walking into a restaurant. The workers are watching TV quite intently, over beers and cigarettes. Upon seeing somebody enter, they argue over who has to bring the menus, which is done quite quickly. The next step takes much longer, taking the order can take up to 15 minutes or more. We've sat for nearly 30 minutes, menus sitting closed on the edge of the table, looking impatient, before walking out passively aggressively, after being ignored. They always say goodbye with a smile.

Food can take anywhere from 15 minutes to two hours to arrive, even for a mere baguette. Now granted, everything is made fresh from scratch in Laos, but they will often wait 20 minutes to finish their coffee and cigarettes in front of you before starting, which is understandable, Laos coffee is fantastic and well worth savoring. I ordered fresh spring rolls, a five minute job, then sat for ninety minutes patiently before the whole staff began a Buddist ceremony. I watched them for an hour before Michelle arrived. We sat for another hour, whispering to eachother before walking out without paying. We lived next door to the restaurant. The ceremony lasted for another hour after we left. When I came back later that night to pay for my breakfast, they were perplexed and partially annoyed they had to interrupt whatever they were doing to collect the money.

It isn't that Laosians are unfriendly, they just go too far with the whole "no worries" attitude. I've seen a group pour a cement sidewalk in a quick hour, just to get it done. It was crooked, full of stones, would probably need to be redone the next Friday, but hey, they had the whole afternoon open for drinking Beer Laos, easily Asia's best beer. Really, who could blame them. When you live in one of the most beautiful countries in the world, filled with lush French mansions, in front of which they grill snakes and chew wood, who could blame them.

Bags of Wood

Michelle and I were addicted to public transportation, or well, I was anyway, then I showed her the wonders. Tourist buses are more comfortable and definitely easier, but they are also more expensive and lacked the potential for experiencing culture first hand.

One, you always get strange looks; westerners rarely venture onto the mobile joy. I often wonder what they seem to fear: a sore bum, a smelly neighbour, sharing a seat with a chicken? Well, a sore butt is a real possibility, actually an inevitability, but tourist buses are rarely better and it is a small price to pay for a candid glimse into the strange world of Asia.

From Pakse to Si Phi Don, we took a song-thiew, again loaded with freight and passengers. In this case, it was filled with four mattresses, sadly, crammed against the back wall and not set down across the seats for a mobile slumber party. We had to settle for being cramped on a bench with no real cushioning. The bus kept stopping, piling more people into the song-thiew. The ticket collector had to stand on the bumper and hang outside after a while.

At some ponit, an old woman who didn't smell very nice, nor look very nice, for that matter, came onto the bus. Michelle offered her a rambutan; she took six. When she began eating, I wondered if I should write a horror movie featuring her mouth alone. Her lips opened like eyelids over her teeth, what was left of them, which curved out quite like a pointy eyeball. They reminded me of horse teeth, but at least horses have tricks for keeping their teeth clean. Her teeth had a variety of colors, green, red, brown and black, with some odd touches of blue, oddly enough, white was not one of colors. When finished with her frightening mastication, she opened her bag and it must have glowed like gold to the rest of the passengers, because they started asking her questions and handing her money. I looked and saw the prized possessions, which were an assortment of bagged wood chunks. Everyone bought a bag; I even considered doing so myself.

I just couldn't figure out why everyone wanted the wood. Was it national BBQ smoker day, or were they some sort of incense of pot-pourri? Maybe this wood had special mosquito repelling qualities. I did not however fathom their true purpose. Ms. Horsemouth unrolled her lips and shoved a small handful of wood into her mouth and began chewing. The others followed suit; even the cute young woman across the van, the only pretty local I'd ever seen in Laos, partook. They all just sat around chewing wood. I can accept chewing wood as a something people may do, but I did not have a clue as to why anybody would choose to accept orally anything that the disgusting mouth found worthwhile. It must have been some sort of ineffective cleaning procedure. They were definitely eating the wood as, not a one spit the wood out. This is not something that can be seen on a tourist bus, that is certain.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Lap

I loved the food in Laos (well North Laos anyway). No single dish better represents the delicious and complex flavors of their cuisine than Lap, which is a meat salad. You can get lap made from pork, chicken, beef, fish, or any other meat they have around. They first mince the meat and mix it with dripping slices of shallots and garlic, mixed with chili and lemongrass, fresh mint and sometimes basil, with a touch of fish sauce. It is a meddly of flavors, spicy, salty, a bit of sweet from the shallots, with a hint of bitter from the herbs, sour from the lime. It is traditionally served raw, but Michelle and I could not find anyone who'd prepare it this way. Tourism has encouraged the cooking of the meat.

It is served wit ha basket of sticky rice, the country's staple grain. Sticky rice is a slightly undercooked strain of rice, that is mostly dry and easily clumps together. Sticky rice has a fantastic chewy texture, that is so satisfying to eat, it is delicious plain.

To not dip it in the lap though is a crime to their national dish. It is eaten with bare hands. One simply breaks a chunk of rice, rolling into a ball, then flattens it slightly to make a makeshift spoon which is used to scoop up the salad. Laos did have other quite tasty dishes; steamed parcels of fish with dill in a banana leaf, lots of Thai style dishes like papaya salad and curries. And dear god, the grilled meat that just melts after dipping it in the ginger, chili, line sauce. Plus, the Frech taught this little nation how to make real, crusty baguettes. Good bread is rare in Asia, but Laos had it everywhere. Laos did not have a wide variety of dishes, but they were all amazing. The food got quite tasteless the closer we got to the flavor-anemic Cambodia, but in the North, with their surplus of fresh fruits, vegetables, and herbs, it is hard not to be happy. still, it is the lap that I'll always crave; it comprised at least one of my meals each day and I will strive to perfect it when I can home. I hope I can find sticky rice.