My first foray into dating

This title may sound a bit odd considering I've been in two serious relationships that involved marriage discussions, but it is meant to be taken very literally. My first foray into "dating". Relationships these days are very different then they once were. They start off much less-organically these days (or much more-organically, depending on your interpretation of the the word organic). This will be nothing new to people of my generation, but may seem a bit wrong to those who are older. Here is the course of modern romance:

You meet a girl at a party, through a friend. or at a bar. After chatting for a bit, if there seems to be a connection or mutual attraction, you swap phone numbers with a vow to "do something sometime". In precisely three days, (anything less shows desperation, anything more shows an insincerity of the invitation), you send a text, asking them to come over to "watch a movie". This invitation has nothing to do with movies. The movie itself is irrelevant, but it needs to be something cool that you've seen already. The person comes over, a bottle of wine gets opened, and the movie is put in the player. If the moment seems right and the wine is consumed at a certain rate, kissing begins with the movie in the background. Depending on the quality of the kissing and the level of promiscuity, this make-out session leads to a relocation to a more private place. The movie will remain playing on the TV so if a roommate comes home, they know that there is some make-out action going on upstairs.

When you enter the bedroom, you've officially gone on the modern equivelent of "a first date". Many things can happen behind the closed doors; what happens is a function of the following equation S=(.5A+B)/P. S of course stands for sex. Sex can be defined in many ways. More on this later. A is the variable for attraction, which is measured on a scale of one to ten; this is actually the least important variable of this particular equation. It is easily overridden by the two other variables. It cannot however be ignored completely and a high enough A may result in sex. B is the booze factor. Count one for each drink consumed by each person. If a second bottle of wine is consumed, some sort of sexual interaction becomes highly likely. If B is ever above 20, sex will be attempted but will ultimately fail. You divide the product of these by the Prudishness variable (P). Prudishness is measured on a 0 to 10 scale as well. If the relative prudishness is 0, both partners are total sluts and the equation become undefined, meaning intercourse is guaranteed. A relative prudishness of 10 rarely happens; these people just go on dates. Now, after the math is done, here is generally the outcome.

If S is:

1-2 = Merely making out
2-5 = Making out without shirts
5-6 = Some sort of wandering hands
7-8 = Oral Sex
9 and over = Intercourse

These are of course approximate measures.

No matter what level of S, there is going to be some sort of talking afterwards. This is when one determins if there is compatibility for relationships. If things were fun, there is a near guarantee of a repeat, only the pretense of "watching a movie" is dropped. Based on the quality of the post-coital or really any sort of endorphin-infused conversation, the two people determine if they want to start going out. The endorphins lower the censorship of speech, so people are often very frank and will talk about spiritual/philosophical things. You are officially boyfriend/girlfriend after doing this about 3-5 times. Once you reach this point, the old definition of a first date happens.

I personally think this is a silly system that is the opposite of how things should be done. That said, I've never been on a first date with anybody that wasn't already my girlfriend. Now that I'm single again, I really would like to take a more old-fashioned approach to relationships.

So, I met a girl a few weeks ago. After a few marathon conversations at the bar, I decided that I would ask her out on a proper date, before there was any kind of kissing. I invited her to a dinner and a movie and she said yes. Great right?! No, come the day of the date, I got a text message saying she was too tired to want to do anything and we'd take a rain check (she's yet to contact me). I'm not stupid; this means that she is not interested in dating. Given the level of flirtation pre and post invitation, she seems to be stuck in the model of our generation. Since I asked her on a date before making-out or having sex, this is sign that I'm moving way too fast; this is a sign that I consider her to be my girlfriend already. What is wrong with our generation?