Quarantine

I received a letter today from the Australian Department of Agriculture, Fisheries, and Forestry, informing me that a piece of my mail was quarantined, deemed as potentially harmful to Australia. I frantically scanned the letter, wondering what potentially hazardous object somebody was trying send me. I feared the worst; could it be a bomb, a fresh shipment of heroin, or some seeds for growing fresh cauliflower? I scanned the letter and learned that whatever was in the envelope, it was a high threat to the delicate Australian ecosystem. Finally, on the last two pages were photocopies of the offensive object: a wedding invitation.

For some reason, the paper of the invitation was printed on fancy paper that contained traces of a plant seed that may potentially flourish and kill native flora. I'm sure that these seeds were rendered ungrowable in transformation from plant material to paper, but it leaves me with the temptation to plant high-grade paper in ground as a botany experiment. In order for me to receive the invitation, it would have to remain in quarantine for the next eight weeks and get bombarded with high doses of gamma radiation. The leftovers of this small sheet of paper would then be sent to Broken Hill, only seven weeks after my departure from the country and two weeks after the wedding to which I was invited. For this mere inconvenience, the Australian Department of Agriculture, Fisheries, and Forestry would only charge me $42.50.

Thankfully, they left me with another option. If I'd like, I could have the invitation sent back to Guthrie and Laura in Atlanta, I'd merely have to may the postage and handling fee of $42.50. It make me question the level of funding the Australian Department of Agriculture, Fisheries, and Forestry receives. I chose option three: ignoring the notice, allowing the invitation to be incinerated, and RSVPing by email.

This ordeal does not surprise me at all. After a hundred years of raping their environment through the introduction of foreign plants and animals, Australia now has some of the strictest quarantine laws in the world. Any attempt to prevent to next rabbit/cane toad/fox/feral cat/ carp outbreak is well worth it. As a result, Australia has some of the cleanest and most valuable livestock in world and lives without fear of rabies or mad cow disease. South Australia and Western Australian are devoid of fruit flies; when crossing the border, they search for unauthorized fruits and veggies. On the drive to Adelaide, Jess and I always had to be sure not to put tomatoes on our sandwiches.

I twice experienced the strict laws of the Australian Department of Agriculture, Fisheries, and Forestry before even stepping a foot in the country. First, I had to leave my cat at home since he would just live a cage for the first six months anyway (and Jess and Sharon are both allergic to cats). The other time was crossing customs. I had an unopened, sealed bag of trail mix tossed in the bin out of fear it would introduce unwanted insects into the country. Yeah, their efforts are both excessive and annoying, but they are working.