The Speech

Jess was to give a speech on Thursday night, but due to a massive work function, she was forced back down on her agreement. Not one to let people down, Jess wanted to find a replacement. Every year, the Quota club invites a speaker from another country to talk of their experiences in Australia and how their cultures differ. Fresh off from a year in the States, Jess was as good as any foreigner. Well, with Jess out of the picture, can you think of anyone who could fit those qualifications?

After six days in Australia, I had developed deep insight into the inner workings of Australian culture. By deep insight, I mean a list on a tiny notebook of ways that Australians are crazy. From these observations, I put together something to deliver to everyone.

I was quite nervous; the original estimated attendance was 60 elderly women, killing any chance of dropping a well place f-bomb for comedic effect. Thankfully, it turned out to be only 30 elderly women and they were actually quite nice and energetic. The speech went very well. Given the intimate nature of the venue, I was able to interact with the audience, which always helps. I'm not one to just talk straight through. They seemed very entertained by my observations, especially the silly Aussie slang. At least Aussies know that they sound really silly. Don't worry, I'll start dropping those in here soon. (Be prepared to find out what frog&toad, dead horse, and dear mean...I doubt you'll be able to guess.)

For coming out on such short notice, they gave me a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc from Adelaide, which was unexpected. Jess is quite lucky that I'm faithful, because a 80 year old woman invited me back to her place to suck down some VB (equivalent to Steel Reserve 2020 in the US). I passed, but not without a thought. Her husband might not have been to happy either.

The women were fascinated and quite angry about our restaurant tipping system in the states. Here, wait staff actually gets paid a decent wage, so tipping is rare, barring exceptional service. Also, all prices have the taxes included in the price, so what you see in the menu is the price of your meal. I also fielded questions about our social security system, which might be a bit more fascinating for 60+ aged women than for me. I just said I'm too young to have really benefited from it yet.

Go Twins!