Beer isn't wine. Beside the obvious
difference in ingredients, the mindset is different. People accept
that wine is an agricultural product, influenced by the season. It's
fine for a wine to be different every time. Great vintages become
legend. Even though beer is just as much a result of a farmer's toil,
the brewer is expected to streamline a process, find a level of
consistency year after year to compensate for a bad crop. As a
result, beer doesn't generate bottles that spark wonder. Rarity in
beer is rare, most often the result of a self-created scarcity. Yet,
there still exists one beer that does inspire. One beer that perks up
the ears of most beer nerds. And I needed to try it.
Belgium is well known for its beer and
among the most celebrated are the those of the Trappists. These are
beer brewed by actual monks or at least brewed at a monastery. There
are very specific rules on how to be labelled a Trappist beer, few of
which actually have much influence on the quality of beer itself.
(The other two rules besides being brewed by monks on a monastery is
that the brewing is secondary to the the observance of God and is
merely meant to be a fund-raiser for the operation of the monastery.
All profit is thus donated to charity.) With the explosion of craft
breweries, many of which were inspired by the Belgian traditions,
Trappist beer has become big business and some of these breweries
have ceased to be modest outfits, relatively. Some beer affectionatos
even refuse to recognize Chimay or Westmalle as artesian products any
more.
However, there is one Trappist
monastery that has resisted the urge to upscale, distribute, ride the
craft wave, and those are the monks of the Sint Sixtus Monastery,
producers of Westvleteren. They only produce what is needed to
support the abbey, around 5,000 hectolitres.
The procedure of obtaining their famous
beers is a legend equal to the beer itself, either that or a joke.
First, you must call their hotline, which is only open during certain
hours. Given the beer's demand, it's not uncommon to sit on hold or
meet busy signals for hours. Once you get through, you are allowed to
order—and by order, I mean you basically reserve— maximum two
cases of 24 at 2.50euro a bottle. The beer then must be physically
picked up at the monastery, which lies in the middle of a field in
the far reaches of Western Flanders, a stone's throw from the French
border. This pick up can only be done during a short set time. One
important condition of purchase is that you have to swear, quite
literally before God, that you won't resell the beer.
A lot of people in the world have tried
this beer, but very few of these have made it to the monastery, which
shows how well the honor system is working out. It's not uncommon for
people to call in, using a handful of fake aliases, then cart off
with a van load, which gets sold off for upward of $50 a bottle.
Considering that the monks control their prices and any profit they
might make would be donated to charity, this is a serious moral
affront.
But that's the allure of this beer.
It's consistently voted among the best beers in the world (and
sometimes, called THE best.), so opportunistic vendors and likewise
buyers are both willing to spit on the good faith of these holy men
who merely want to create something divine in the glass. They have
“fought” back though. As of the summer 2019, they've put their
reservations system online so that they can better control who gets
divvied out their beer. You still have to pick it up at the brewery.
I'd had my own run in with the beer a
few years ago. The sale of alcohol in Norway is strictly controlled
by a government institution that has been self-dubbed “the wine
monopoly”. Once or twice a year, they have a special beer release
where they compile a selection of rare or limited edition beers from
around the world and release them at certain stores around the
country. On the the morning of one such release, I was casually
browsing the list over a cup of coffee and dropped it to my table as
if I'd found Kaiser Sose. Right on the page was Westvleteren 12. I
ran out the door without changing out of my pyjamas, jumped on my
wife's bike, and booked it to town. I frantically searched the beer
cases that they'd haphazardly scattered on the floor of the store,
looking for that iconic cap (the bottles themselves have no label). I
found a clerk, basically grabbed his shirt and demanded to know where
it was.
He removed my hands as if it was a
normal occurrence to be assaulted by beer-obsessed customers and said
in Norwegian, “you'd really like some that.”
I nodded.
“We sold out in 10 minutes. People
were waiting outside since dawn.”
I was flabbergasted. Were there so many
people in this small city who paid enough attention to these obscure
beer releases, scoured the lists, and even knew enough to know the
treasure that was this beer, that they'd sell out so quick?
As luck would have it, one of those
people would become friends with me. Sure, he got some of the 12, but
he wasn't willing to open those. He was only kind enough to share the
8. It was at a party hosted by my sommelier friends (yes, imagine the
parties where there are no fewer than three wine sommeliers and
myself, a beer sommelier, swirling and sniffing and sipping and
soliloquying.) It was a fantastic beer and it only made me wonder
what the 12 would be like. I knew that some day, I'd have to make the
journey to Belgium.
Now, I'm not saying I wanted to go to
Belgium for a single beer. There was a whole list. I'd been trying to
convince my wife that Belgium was a great vacation spot for years.
“They eat french fries with mussles
and mayonaise!” My wife doesn't eat mussels.
“Look at the medieval charms of
Bruges!” My wife thought it looked like any number European cities.
“So much happened there. Waterloo.
World War 1. That Wonder Woman movie.” She ignored me.
She knew the truth. A vacation to
Belgium would be her driving me around from brewery to monastery,
while I drank every new beer I found. So, I'm not proud of it (nor do
I regret it), but since my summer job ended at the end of August, but
my wife's placement went on until September, I took a solo vacation
to Belgium. Before you get uppity about abandoning my wife to
gallivant around and drink beer, just know that she'd taken a girls'
trip earlier that year to Paris, leaving me to take care of the dog
alone.
Sint Sixtus is located not far from the
site of many horrible scenes of death: Ypres and Dunkirk are two of
the most famous. So, it's a bit weird to see how peaceful, and simply
mundane of an area it is, not so very different from where grew up
myself. Yet, for beer lovers, it's hardly boring. It's the primary
hop growing region of the country and Westvleteren is only one of
many world class beer producers in a 20 mile radius. One could easily
have a nice Beligian holiday only by travelling by train, but my
desire to explore this area necessitated a car.
I did not pre order the beer by phone,
mainly because I was flying on to Hungary and I didn't have space for
24 beers. Unlike many, I wished to respect the monks' request to not
resell it. There is one other channel to get the beer. The monks own
a small cafe across from the monastery where they serve the beer.
There is no guarantee that they'll have the beer. Many have made the
journey only to drive away disappointed. I was willing to take this
risk.
I arrived in Popperinge, met by rain.
It was far to early to start sipping 10% ABV beer, so I made a visit
the fantastic hop museum, a must visit for anyone even remotely
interested in hop harvesting. The gift shop had a great selection of
the local beers, but the crown jewel was not there. (Naturally, this
is quite subjective as they had St. Bernardus Abt another top
quadrupel, St. Bernadus Wit, which I consider the top example of the
style, Hommelbier, which when fresh is the best hoppy beer in
Belgium, among others). The prices were shocking. Some classic beers
were there for less than 2 euro when they usually fetch close to
five. Of course I had to buy a nice selection. When in Popperinge...
The monastery was only 2km from my BnB,
and even with the help of GPS, I still got lost, made a few wrong,
but lovely turns through roads no wider than the car. It took a good
20 minutes to get there. I'd even driven by not realizing I'd
arrived. It was a modest place, hardly a home for one of the world's
most beautiful beers. Now granted, this view was from the outside. It
wouldn't surprise me if they kept the charm of the place insularly.
Still, I reached my destination. It was time to find the beer.
I marched in to the cafe, found the
gift shop and demanded (politely) some of the good stuff. He pointed
to a wall of cases behind him, the logo on the boxes surprisingly
modern looking. He asked with no trace of emotion or weight how many
cases I'd like to have. I almost fell over. Behind him was the Mount
Everest of beer experiences (Apologies to anyone who's actually
climbed Mt. Everest. I merely rented a car to get here.) and there
was no discernible limit to how much I could purchase. Yet, all I
wanted was a single bottle to bring home and share with my friends.
(Now it's time for a short side note, a
confession if you will. Two days earlier while walking around central
Brussels, I found a small pop-up beer store with some wooden cases of
Westvleteren in the window. I popped in and found a few bottles being
sold for 16euro each. I talked to the clerk about Belgian beer for a
glorious 20 minutes. We discussed the beer and whether it was
advisable to buy an insurance bottle in the off-chance that the cafe
was sold out. Being a vendor, he said yes. I had an internal debate
about the morals of buying one. Heck, even the Norwegian government,
among the most benevolent governments in the world, resold it. In the
end, I was weak and bought one, which I instantly regretted. I only
mention this out of the chronology because I simultaneously believe
in honesty and building tension in stories.)
But the cafe only sold the beer in
units of 6 (or to drink in the cafe, which was not advisable at 10%
with a car). I'd already been collecting a selection of special beers
to add for my cellar and bringing these with me would take up my full
allotment. Yet, was there really anything wrong with have too much of
the world's best beer?
I bought a six pack and and sat outside
with a glass of their single/blonde while staring at the cornfield.
That meant I was just one bottle away from completing the full trio.
(The blonde was lovely btw. I didn't take notes, but from my memory,
it was not the best I've tried, but was very good and refreshing with
some nice toasty pilsner malt, a noticeable hop bite, and a touch of
fruitiness from the yeast. I sat outside alone on a wet chair sipping
away at this great beer as the rain cleared up, then took my glass
inside, grabbed a whole box of my bucket list beer and drove back to
the BnB.
Given all this context, one would
expect that I'd rush out, crack open a bottle and tick that box, but
I was hungry. “Coincidentally”, my accommodation was just across
the street from a great beer cafe (I guess this is Belgium, so even
in a settlement of 100 people, this is probably expected.) The waiter
was also a beer sommelier, so he poured me samples of random
curiosities and did his best to geek out with me despite having to
serve a busy restaurant. After I finished my stew with a bright,
spritzy IPA, which was not an intuitive pairing, but worked, I walked
back, ready for THE BEER.
It had begun to rain, so my plan of
sitting in the complete silence of the garden, sipping under the
stars got literally rained upon. I found myself in a Sideways
moment (I'll let the reference sit here. If you haven't seen the
film, I'll do my best not to drop any 15 year old spoilers), sitting
on a bed inside. These were less than ideal circumstances, but the
proprietor seemed to have the proper glass for each of the 20 local
beers she sold (and Westvleteren 12 was on the list for 2,50 euro,
though she was sold out).
I don't completely remember what the
beer tasted like. I have my notes handy and at the bottom of all the
specific descriptors, it says “very tasty”. Yet, writing this a
year later, I can still close my eyes and see the sun sparkling off
the rain sprinkled grass or the long shadows of the creeping hop
vines on their wire supports. I remember that feeling of anticipation
as I rounded each serpentine curve, wondering if I'd catch sight of
the place that has been brewing such a beautiful beer for the last 80
years. And maybe that's the ultimate goal of the monks at Sint Sixtus
with their anachronistic, strict rules of sale. These monks wake up
in the same quaint compound every day in a field out in a flat
expanse of the Flanders countryside, where these moments take an
extra significance. If you want to truly try this beer, you have to
come here and stand on the soil from which it sprung, stand before
the image of Jesus himself and promise that this beer is only for
those who make the pilgrimage. Otherwise, you're just ticking boxes
and if that's all you want, then fine, cast away $50 for some brown
barley water, but you're better off using that as a down payment on a
Belgium trip. Because at that moment, sitting on a bed in a BnB in
rural Flanders, it was the best beer in the world.